


One More Petal Left

by isurahikari



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: F/M, anorexia???, mild case of anorexia I guess, mild cutting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-26
Updated: 2014-10-26
Packaged: 2018-02-22 15:11:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 27,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2512178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isurahikari/pseuds/isurahikari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat is so in love with Terezi, the popular blind girl. While all his friends pine after her friends, he's sure that one day, he'll talk to her. Yeah. Sure. Eventually. But will she ever look his way? Is she really the right person for him? Humanstuck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Hello!"

It was so simple. Just a greeting. One little, "hello", just one thing to say to her, one thing that would start a conversation. The conversation that would lead to their first date, and their marriage and their twins, Aquamarine Elizabeth, and James Matthew.

At least, that was how it went in Karkat's head.

"Terezi Pyrope?" The teacher called out for role.  
"He~re!" She chirped out. God, she was so cute. That fiery red hair, wisping into faint curls at her neck, that matched her red sunglasses, hiding gorgeous green eyes. He had only seen her without her glasses once. No one knew why she never took them off, and of course, the teachers never told why she was allowed to wear them in class. Karkat was convinced that if she did, they'd all be blinded by her beauty.

As ironic as that statement turned out to be.

She leaned over to whisper with her bitchy (although, admittedly cute) friend, Vriska Serket. She was so friendly, even to fuckasses like Serket and Strider. Especially that damn Strider, who SO OBVIOUSLY wanted a piece of dat ass. And Terezi was falling right into his trap like a (sexy) idiot!

Sexy? Where did that come from? Not from Karkat, that's for damn sure.

"Hey, Karkat?"

He jumped a foot in the air. "T-Terezi! Hel-"

"Can you hand me that?" she pointed to a pencil, red of course, floating under his desk. She just wanted her pencil back. That much he could handle. He ducked down to retrieve it, bumping his head on the way up. "Fuck!" he hissed, hoping the teacher hadn't heard him. Terezi giggled (adorably. Wait what?) and Karkat choked out an apology, beet red.

"Thanks!" She said cheerfully, whirling back around to chat with Vriska. Karkat sat, frozen.

She had accidentally brushed his hand.

Their  _hands_ had touched.  _Touched!_

He was still thinking about it when he skipped down the stairs to meet his handful of friends for lunch.

Sollux, Nepeta, and John were faithfully waiting at their usual table. Thank god Nepeta's creepy, sweaty freak of a best friend had joined the football team. He had to sit with them now.

"Karkit-, I mean, Karkat!" Nepeta squealed, hugging him. Karkat teasingly rolled his eyes. Even though he didn't love being hugged, he'd gotten used to it. John and Sollux were too busy eating the shitty cafeteria food to care too much about the arrival of their buddy.

Karkat agreed. Shitty cafeteria food it was, but it was still food, and he was starving.

"Shit," he facepalmed, "I forgot my money! Godammit!'

"Again? Wow, KK do you need to thaple a not to your head or thomething?" Sollux snickered.

"Shut up,  _Thollux._ I don't think well in the morning! Dammit! I'm hungry..." his stomach growled in agreement.

"Sure,  _in the morning,_ Karkat," John chuckled.

"Shut up fuckass!"

"Um," Nepeta said quietly. "You can have mine if you want." She pushed it in front of him. He stared disbelievingly at it. Untouched.

"Aren't you hungry..?" he said curiously. She turned bright red and ducked her head down in embarrassment.

"N-no, I'm not hungry. Go for it!" She smiled.

 _Huh. Ok._ Karkat dug in eagerly, but was interrupted by a punch in the shoulder. "Duuude! What the hell?!"

"KK, theriouthly.  _They're_ coming in." Sollux whispered. Karkat whirled around to stare with John and Sollux.  _Terezi Pyrope..._

In the arms of Gamzee.  _Again._

"Oh my god, someone tell me this is a joke! Is she really dating him again?!" He clenched his fist angrily.

"I know the feels bro," John whispered. "I swear, Vriska is so gay for Aradia. But, I still have hope, right?"

"No way!" Sollux snapped, "I heard that Aradia and Vriska hate each other! If anything," he said, watching as she stroke over to the football table, "she likes Equius."

Nepeta slammed her hands on the table. "Oh my god,  _really?!_  I need to update!" She scrambled around in her bag for her notebook and pencil and started to scribble  _fur_ iously. I mean furiously.

"I don't know why you keep that damn thing. Don't you have fanfictions in there too?" Karkat asked.

"Uh," Nepeta squeaked. "S-sometimes."

"Can I read them?" He reached out for it, wiggling his fingers impatiently.

"Nooooo! Nobody can!" She shook her head rapidly. "Not even Equius!"

All three boys raised an eyebrow in surprise to her outburst, out of character for her shy personality.

"I think you're right about Aradia," she said weakly, pointing to where the popular girl was putting her hand on Equius's sweaty shoulder.

"Ew," John grimaced. Sollux looked crushed. Karkat clapped him on the back.

"It's ok! Maybe when I  _finally_ start dating Terezi, she'll tell Aradia about you!" He grinned, and Sollux scoffed.

"Oh pleathe. Latht time I thaw, thhe wath thill in the armth of that freaky clown thithead."

"She talked to me," he said proudly. John looked shocked. Nepeta looked slightly like someone had prodded her with a taser.

"Really? Wha'd thhe athk?!" Sollux leaned forward eagerly.

"...She asked for her pencil."

Sollux and John groaned in unison. "Ugh, I though it wath thomething  _important!_ "

"It's better than anything you got!" Karkat snapped back. "She'll see...She'll see how perfect we are for each other! She has to!"

_I'm sure of it..._


	2. Chapter 2

_Ok. One more. Just one more chapter._ Karkat stared bleakly at his computer screen, reading the new fic his favorite writer had posted. She had this tendency to upload a crapton of things all at once. And, as a die-hard fan, he had to finish it  _all._

Right now.

Or, at least, until his alarm went off, signaling that he had to get ready for school. He could go through another day of no sleep, as long as he finished her fanfic. Well, he was pretty sure it was a her. He'd always imagined zodiacsrule9 as his perfect woman, after Terezi of course.

 _Beep. Beep. Beep._ Annnd, there was the alarm. "Karkat!" called Kanaya, his older sister, "Get up!"

"I am!" He yelled back.

"Did you stay up all night again?"

"...No!"

"You're lying!"

"I don't care!

"Get ready!"

"One more chapter!"

"If you're not ready, I won't drive you to school, and you'll have to take  _the bus_!"

Karkat groaned and forced himself out of his chair, wincing as the movement pulled on his stiff muscles. Maaaybe he should try to sleep tonight. If she didn't upload anything else. Part of him though she never slept either, and that just made her all the more like him.

He ran a brush through his messy black hair, and pulled on whatever he yanked out of his crammed closet. As usual, he didn't give two shits about his appearance. He sat at the table and began shoveling breakfast. Aah, bacon! :D

Kanaya frowned disapprovingly. "Karkat, what are you  _wearing_?"

He looked down and shrugged. "Skinny jeans and a black t-shirt? Like I normally do?" What was wrong with his appearance? Sure, his hair looked like a tornado had gone through it, and he had dark circles under his burgundy brown eyes, but not a lot was expected of geeks with a raging temper. Skinny jeans had always worked before.

Kanaya clucked reproachfully. "Oh Karkat, Karkat, Karkat. You'll never attract Terezi's attention like  _that._ "

"How do you-?! Shut up!" Karkat spluttered.

Kanaya giggled daintily. "Karkat, there is many ways you could 'improve' yourself, so to speak. Care for my advice? A trip to the mall maybe? Some anger management classes?"

"No." he said flatly, before striding out the door. If she thought he was gonna change himself for a  _girl,_ she had another thing coming. He wasn't going to change, not even for Terezi.

"Nepeta!" he called, "Wait up!"

Karkat ran into the school, barely getting in before the warning bell rang. John and Sollux had lockers on the other side of the school, so the four of them usually split up like this.

"Good morning Karkat!" Nepeta grinned happily. It looked like she'd actually brushed her hair for once, and wore an olive-green dress. Was that new?

"Pretty dress," Karkat said, "Why'dja dress up? Someone to impress?" he teased. She blushed and shook her head. "C'mon Nep, you gotta tell me who it is eventually!"

He realized he was being unusually cheerful. Was Nepeta's happy aura rubbing off on him? Probably. They parted ways, and Karkat headed to math. If only he had a locker by Terezi! Sollux did, the lucky bastard. With Aradia and Vriska nearby.

It was needless to say that the boys typically hung around Sollux's locker.

Math was the only class he had with all three of his friends, plus Equius. Equius had always gotten on Karkat's nerves, with his protectiveness of Nepeta and his holier-than-thou act that just pissed Karkat off. Damn sweaty freak.

"Thup," Sollux said as KK walked in. "Took you long enough."

"Yeah, Kanaya drives  _sooo slooow._ " Karkat sank into his chair, wincing when he remembered he hadn't done his homework. Again. But on the bright side, neither had Nepeta.

"And it didn't help that she was lecturing me the whole damn time." He ruffled his hair self-consciously.

"Lecturing you about what?" Nepeta said curiously. "She's usually purrty easy-going, right?"

"Purrty?" Karkat asked.

"She blushed. "Pretty. Sorry."

"Yeah," John said, "She usually just lets you do your thing."

"I wasn't in trouble or anything. It was a 'you're never going to attract Terezi being the way you are' thing." Karkat imitated Kanaya's delicate british perfectly, obviously practiced since childhood.

Sollux guffawed. "Thhe knowth what'th up!" John cracked up, and even Nepeta pulled her head out of her notebook to smile.

"Oh please, like you're any better. Like Aradia talks to  _you_." Karkat rolled his eyes.

"He does kinda have a point." John said, "We're all geeks. None of them look twice at us."

"I bet Nepeta could get Ampora to talk to her. Therveth her right for liking a dethperate weirdo like that." Sollux said.

"I do not like  _Ampurra!_  I mean,  _Ampora!"_ Nepeta snapped, "I bet you're jealous that not even  _he'll_ look twice at you,  _Thollux."_

The boys busted up laughing while Sollux blushed.

"Nice one!" Karkat said, high-fiving her. Nepeta tinged pink.

"Okay, I'll prove it to you fuckaththes." Sollux stood, and walked over to Aradia. He nearly got swished in the face with her long brown hair.

"Oh my god," Karkat whispered.

"He's actually doing it." John said reveretly.

Nepeta just scribbled in her notebook.

"Uh, h-hi Aradia..." Sollux said shyly. She whirled around, her piercing black-lined chocolate eyes staring at him. Sollux just about fainted. She was looking  _right at him._ Holy thhit.

"Who are you?" Aradia said coldly. Terezi and Vriska turned and stared at him too. And then Eridan, and Gamzee, and Dave, and that kind of really pretty girl who always hung around with Eridan.

"No, seriously. Fef, who is she?" Aradia turned to the pretty girl, whose name was apparently Fef. Karkat cringed. Like hell  _that_ one wouldn't sting.  _'Who are you' my ass! We've been in this class for five months!_

"His name is Sollux." Fef said softly.

"Oh." Aradia turned around again, her back to Sollux.  _Was that it?_ Karkat wondered. Sollux dejectedly made his way back to his friends.

"Well, that ended well..." Sollux said faintly. John patted him on the back.

"At least she...kinda talked to you. At you. About you. I don't know man, but that was hell brave." Karkat said.

There was a splintering sound as Nepeta's pencil shattered. They all turned to the normally calm and peaceful girl, who was now shaking with rage. A strand of blond hair fell into her piercing olive green eyes, pupils dilated.  _Whoa..._

"Why do they feel the need to  _do_ that?!" She hissed shrilly. "To ignore you, to belittle you so that you're  _perfectly aware_ they either don't know or don't care about your existence?! To let you know  _exactly_ what they think of you, and how much they  _looove_ others! WHy are you  _never good enough?!_ Never  _perfectly suited?!_ Always sitting on the goddamn  _sidelines,_ watching?! And it _hurts,_ and they either don't know or don't care! I'm sick of it!" She slammed her hands on the desk and Karkat saw that she was close to tears.

"I'm sick of it," she repeated quietly. "C'mon, let's go." She stood up, ignoring the shell-shocked teacher.  _How is she going to explain this one?_ Karkat wondered.

"Go where?" Sollux asked tentatively, trying to ignore the stares from the entire class. Nepeta leaned in very close, and whispered, so only those three could hear.

"It's time for revenge."

 


	3. Chapter 3

There were some things Karkat really liked about Nepeta. Her sick sense of humor was one, her insane sense of loyalty to her friends was another. The way she could stand up to people, or at least, how she used to, when they were younger.

But the thing he probably liked most of all was the absolute fiery determination she had, the way she could take over a situation, a power she didn't use often.

She was going to make some guy very happy.

But now, she was too focused on dragging Kanaya out of her science class. Quite literally, dragging. Karkat didn't want to be the one to explain to mom why he and Kanaya were skipping school. When Nepeta told you to do something, you did it.

The two girls were whispering frantically, shooting looks at the puzzled boys.

"Nepeta," John said, "What's this about?"

She strode over, pointing at him. "You," she said sternly, "You love Vriska,  _right?_ " It was a loaded question, a baited question.

"Yeah, of course!" He said earnestly. She inhaled, then turned to Sollux.

"And  _you,_ you love Aradia?"

Sollux hesitated, then said, "Well, yeah. Duh." She nodded, then turned to Karkat, and it seemed like she was asking slower.

"Karkat...you  _love_ Terezi?"

There was a waver in her voice, so quick he was sure he'd imagined it. "Yes, I definitely do! Why?"

She looked over her olive-green clad shoulder at Kanaya, who gave her an almost imperceptible nod.

"Since that's the case...then as a shipper, it's practically my civic duty to help you!" She linked arms with Kanaya.

"C'mon boys, we're going shopping!"

* * *

Shopping to impress a girl wasn't as bad as Karkat imagined.

It was a thousand times worse.

When Kanaya told him to find red, she did not tell him that there was  _different fucking shades of red._

"Uhhh," he stammered, looking at the now annoyed salesperson, "Red. Just red."

"Yes, but what shade? Material? Density, contrast, brightness? Article of clothing? Please sir, be more specific than  _just red._ " She begged.

"Candy red," an authoritative voice from behind him said. The salesperson sighed in relief. Karkat looked behind him and saw Nepeta decked out in...pink?

"What happened to your dress?" he said dumbly. Not that she didn't look good...cuz dammmmnnnn.

"Oh," she glanced down briefly, "Kanaya said to try pink. You're not the only one with someone to impress." She winked, showing a rare moment of sassiness and self-confidence. Karkat blushed.

"I don't know what the hell possessed you to do this...but, uh, thanks, I guess." He said sheepishly. Women and their crazy schemes.

"I had ships to sail," she said simply, before walking away. "Try that stuff on!" she called.

Apparently while he was talking, the salesperson had deposited a shit-ton of red on the chair next to him. Sighing, he picked it up and lugged it toward Kanaya, Sollux, and John.  _Holy fuck! This stuff is heavy!_

Well, now he knew where Kanaya got her muscles from.

"Oh, excellent," she said, appraising his pile. "You're after Sollux. Luckily, John didn't need much cleaning up. He's very spiffy already." She smiled appreciatively at him, and he grinned embarrassedly.

"If every guy had one gay quality, mine would be clothes." He said jokingly.

"Oh pleathe. You're telling me you never checked out Thrider'th athth before?" Sollux swept out of the dressing room, as usual, punctuating his arrival with an insult.

"And you've never checked out Ampora's?" John fired back.

"Will people thop thhipping me with him? He's my lab partner,  _nothing elthe._ "

"Interesting how you don't deny the checking-out of his ass," Karkat smirked.

"Thut up."

Kanaya scurried out of her seat, checking his new outfit(s) with an eagle eye. With the exasperated expressions Sollux was making, Karkat seriously suspected that this was far from the first ensemble he'd tried on. She stepped back to survey her work.

"Damn, you're good." The salesperson said. Actually reading her name tag, KK found out her name was Rose. "You go to my highschool, right?" They all nodded, and Kanaya blushed faintly.

"Um, yes. Thank you for the compliment."

"Yeah, anytime," Rose said, strolling away. "Talk to me at school sometime, kay?"

Kanaya wiggled her fingers in form of a goodbye.

"You like her," Nepeta said, making them all jump.

"Whoa, when'd  _you_ get here?" Karkat said, "You like, appeared outta nowhere. Where were you?" She gestured to her own pile, holding it with ease.  _Damn girl muscles!_

"I was gonna go after you, is that ok?" Her eyes were wide, and Karkat noticed she had makeup on. Wow, she was really going all out with her 'revenge' for not be noticed by whoever the hell she liked. Is that why she was paler than normal? Probably.

He nodded and stepped into his own dressing room.

Nepeta hadn't always been such a fragile flower. In seveth grade, the first time they'd become friends, she'd stood up for him after a couple of kids teased for being a (momentary) vegetarian. That phase didn't last long after.  _Excuuuse_ him if he didn't want to eat meat for two months.

She had fit into his little circle, or rather, triangle of friends effortlessly. But as time went by, she shrunk more into herself as her fiery strength and determination faded.

But, just for today, the old Nepeta was back.

"Are we done yet?" Karkat whined. "This is like, the fifteenth outfit. How do we pay for all of this, anyway?"

He groaned when kanaya whipped out her glossy credit card. Perfect thing to get a 16-year old girl. Not.  _Bright move Mom_ , he thought sarcastically.

"Actually," she said, "you're in luck. Nepeta's about to come out, so you're done." He exhaled in relief and sat down next to the drooping John. He sure as hell wasn't gonna be awake for much longer.

"Oh my," Kanaya said, upon Nepeta's entrance.

"Dayyyyyyum girl." Sollux said, surprised. KK turned to see what they were talking about. Sollux didn't usually pay compliments.

_Whoa..._

She was in a white ruffled shirt and green skinny jeans, and she looked damn fine. Wait, what?

Even John applauded, and she turned bright red.

"Um, Karkat," she asked hesitantly. "What do you think?"

* * *

Back in the car, after Kanaya had  _fiiinally_ finished another lecture, KK kept replaying that question. That smile. Nepeta's true smile. It occurred to him that he hadn't seen it at all recently. He glossed over the fact that it looked slightly different with her cheekbones more prominent.

"Terezi's not going to be able to resist you," Kanaya promised. "Just do your hair like I taught you and actually get some sleep tonight and  _blah blah blah.."_

Karkat tuned her out easily. He did have a lifetime of practice. He was going to have to miss zodiacsrule9 updates, but for Terezi...he could miss one night, right? Just one?

He felt a fluttering in his stomach that took him a second to place.

_Oh right._

Excitement for school.


	4. Chapter 4

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

What the actual fuck was that? Karkat groaned and rolled out of bed.  _4:30 a.m...4:30 a.m.?!_

"Why is it set so earlyyy?" he whined, pulling the covers over his head. Kanaya burst into his room, sending light flooding in from the hallway. She flung open the curtains, where light streamed in from the barely rising sun. There was still  _stars_ outside. Fucking  _stars._

"Kanaya," he said, muffled through his pillow, "I swear to god, if you touch me you lose a testicle."

"Your insults have taken a nosedive, dear brother," she singsonged. How was she so cheerful so early in the morning? She whipped off his covers, and he shivered in his t-shirt and boxers. Why was his room so freakishly cold in the morning? Was this natural?

"Karkat," she said sternly, "Remember why we are doing this." She stood above him, arms crossed firmly.

"Because you want to torture me?" Karkat squinted an eye open to glare at her. She was already dressed and had makeup on! Whhhat?!

"No. Because  _you love Terezi._ "

 _Oh_ , he thought,  _that._ Was that reason enough to get him out of bed? Could he really try his hardest to make Terezi fall in love with him?

Yup.

Karkat swung out of bed, dressing and actually doing something with his hair. Next were push-ups. Sit-ups. Jogging. After half an hour, he was gasping for breath.

"What,"  _wheeze,_ "is,"  _gasp,_ "the point,"  _hnnnghasldkfjasdfk, "_ of this?!" He panted, hands on his knees. Geeks did not work out!

"Girls like muscles," Kanaya trilled. She glanced at her watch. "Luckily for you, we're done."

"Oh thank fuck!"

"Watch your language!" She scolded him and he rolled his eyes.

"C'mon," he said, "we're gonna be late for school."

* * *

 _Do I look stupid? Don't tell me I look stupid!_ Karkat checked the mirror in Kanaya's convertible, mussing his gelled hair.  _Aah, I look stupid!_

"You look fine," Kanaya said calmly. He sighed and examined his reflection again. A bright red, conspicuous t-shirt was practically radioactive against his pale skin. Black skinny jeans clung unusually tightly to him, and his new, clunky skater shoes were throwing off his balance. His hair was gelled and the dark circles under his eyes were practically gone, thanks to sleeping for once.

He wasn't sure whether he liked this or not.

"Get out of the car! Fly baby bird! Fly Karkat!" Kanaya said cheerfully, slamming her door.

Karkat sat inside, hesitant to get out of the car. The car wouldn't judge him. The car wasn't an adorable girl he was trying to impress. It wasn't like she would care anyways. She never did. Nobody ever did. That's the reason he stopped  _trying._ He wasn't special. he didn't get the main part, the best ice cream flavor, the girl. The first pick of a movie. So why bother?

But then again, what else did he have to lose? He stepped out of the car and ignored the stares from the other students.

"Karkat!" Nepeta said, skipping up behind him, "Good morn-,  _whoa!_ " She blinked slowly, staring at him. KK flushed red angrily.

"You look...good?" She squeaked, not looking away. "I'm gonna...I"m gonna...go to math? Uh, yeah." She bumped into a locker and cursed, then scurried off.

_What was that about?_

* * *

"Heyyyyyyyy,  _someone_ spiffed up." Vriska grinned sweetly. "What brought this on?"

He fought back a  _fuck you Serket,_ and shrugged. She was sooo annoying, behind that shield of GAHJUSSNESS that was Vriska Serket. He could see why John loved her. He saw Terezi, sniffing suspiciously. She pushed past Aradia and Feferi, and poked him in the stomach.

"You...smell...cuter," She said, eyes unable to be read, due to her sunglasses. He blushed furiously, trying to think of a witty comeback.

He froze as she promptly buried her face in his neck. His eyes were wide, and he looked at Vriska in utter shock and confusion.

_I guess that 'won't be able to resist you' stuff...Oh my god, she wasn't kidding! SHE'S SMELLING ME WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!_

Terezi withdrew her face. "Yup, definitely cuter. Keep it up Vantas!" She, and her cluster of friends drifted off and Aradia waved her hand bye, and winked at him.

Karkat wasn't sure how long John and Sollux had stood behind him, but they had obviously seen  _everything._ All three stood, mouths open, stunned.

"Did that...jutht happen?" Sollux said.

"I think...it did." John answered. They both turned to Karkat, who still hadn't said anything. He wasn't sure he could say anything ever again. She had called him  _cute._ She knew his  _name._

Today was the best day ever. Karkat could see it now. Couple of days from now, she'd fall head over heels. She's realize that they were perfect for each other, and that nobody compared to Karkat, not Gamzee and especially not Strider. She'd confess her love for him, and he'd pulled off her glasses and kiss her and then...love. Love would happen. Forever love, true love, like he'd always seen in movies and books and fanfics. He'd be happy.

But...he had no idea. No idea that that version of his happiness would make another so unhappy. Another who was always unhappy anyways, but never showed it.

And she was determined to never let him know.


	5. Chapter 5

Today had been an excessively weird and confusing day for Karkat. Not only did he have to refrain from snapping at fucktard idiots (see: Vriska Serket), but he had to actually pay attention in class. Partly because his mom had threatened to cut his allowance off if he failed one more class, but mainly because, according to Kanaya, 'smart guys are attractive!'

But it's not like he was  _changing_ himself. No way. He was still the crabby-ass pale computer geek Vantas he usually was. Just spiffier. And who didn't love being spiffy?

Well, love was a strong word. So was like. But he couldn't deny that he did appreciate the bucketload of compliments he was getting. Even Jade, who hated him, gave him a once over. Even Strider did.

As Karkat made his way to the lunch table, he  _felt_ the whispers and stares, especially from the Populars. Damn self-conciousness had him nearly tripping with every step, wondering if one of many voices he could hear was Terezi, and if she was talking about him. Not that he cared.

"Ok, why are you the only one getting attention from the maththeth? I dreththed up too, but the only oneth who noticed were you guyth and Feferi." Sollux said, as Karkat began to dig into his crappy highschool lunch.

"Maybe it's because I had Kanaya to make me wake up at four-thirty in the god damn morning? Push ups, Sollux, I had to do  _push ups._ " Karkat certainly thought he had suffered for the cause. The only change he saw in Sollux was a new pair of skinny jeans. John pretty much looked the same.

"Now you lithen, puthh upth are not the end of the-"

"Yoo-hoo! Karkles!" Terezi called.

Oh my god. She was...was she...?! She patted the seat next to her as he stared, dumbfounded.

"Holy shit dude! Go!" John said, "This is like the holy grail of teenage boys! Go, go, go!"

But Karkat couldn't go. He couldn't  _breathe._ All he was thinking was that it had  _worked._ She was totally flirting with him. She wanted him by her side. All he had to do was move.

"Bring your friends if you want," Vriska said, rolling her eyes, "As long as the cute one sits by me." She beckoned at John, who was probably having the same heart attack Karkat was having.

Annoyed at the immobility of his friends, Sollux stood up and started to stroll over, like it was no big deal, as his wordless friends followed.

Sollux, gathering up his bravery, sat next to Aradia.

"Thup." He said, struggling to keep his expression cool and emotionless.

"Nothing much Hacker Boy," she cooed, "Nice glasses. Mind if I try 'em?" She slipped them off, not waiting for his reply.

Alright. If Sollux could be flirting with, then goddamit, so could he. Karkat slid in the seat next to Terezi, heart pounding.

"Nice of you to join us Karkles," Terezi said, winking at him. At least, he thought she was winking. It was kind of hard to tell with the tinted glasses.

"Uh, um, y-yeah." He stuttered.  _Wow, real smooth Vantas! You're a real fucking charmer!_

"Please tell me you're more articulate than your friend," Vriska said, batting her eyelashes at John.

"No, actually," John squeaked out, "especially when we're talking to cute girls."

Holy shit, Egbert was flirting. CALL THE MEDIA!

"Awww, that's ok," Terezi said, "shy guys are cute. But I don't think Karkat thinks I'm cute."

"Y-you're cute," he stammered out.

Terezi fake gasped. "Karkat, you think I'm cute?! I'm so honored!" She gave him a toothy grin, "But I bet I'm not cuter than your kitty friend."

"What? Nepeta?" Karkat said incredulously, "Cuter than you? Nooo way!"

He realized that he sounded like a class-A prick, but how was he supposed to answer that one? Or take his answer back? Oh well. It's not like she'd ever find out he'd snubbed her, right? No, no, of course not. Unless the writer of this story was feeling particularly like a douchebag. But that would never happen. Or would it?

"Aww, thank you Karkat. You're cute too!" Terezi smiled at him, "Oh look, there's your kitty friend now!" she said, pointing across the cafeteria. "She looks so confused, how precious." The rest of her friends giggled.

John and Sollux exchanged a wary look, but Karkat was too busy looking at Terezi to notice.  _She's sitting right here...just like I always imagined..._

"Nepeta! Over here!" Terezi called. Nepeta turned, and the color drained from her face when she saw where they were.

"Here kitty, kitty." Vriska joked under her breath. John's eyebrows furrowed and Sollux looked kinda pissed. Nepeta locked eyes with Karkat and he waved cheerfully.  _C'mon up!_ his gaze seemed to say.

Her gaze looked fucking terrified at the prospects of doing so, but she did it anyways. She stood in front of the table, awkwardly holding her tray, looking for a place to sit. Karkat patted a spot next to him, but one eyebrow raise from Terezi sent her scurrying away to sit by Eridan, the only other seat available. She looked seriously spooked.

"What was that about?" Karkat said curiously.

"Oh, nothing. It's just crowded over here." Terezi said sweetly. She coiled her arm around his. "You're going to sit with me tomorrow, right?"

"Hell yeah!" Karkat exclaimed, "I mean...uh..."  _Shit!_ He sounded too eager.

But Terezi didn't look like she minded eagerness. Perfect.

"Ooh-la-la, look at Miss Feline over there, flirting with Ampora." Vriska said, unabashedly pointing at her. Nepeta was instantly red, and Feferi gave her a sympathetic look.

"More like fe- _fine,_ " Gamzee said from Terezi's other side. "I'd tap that."

Terezi rolled her eyes in disgust. "Oh please. Grow up, you only want it because you can't get mine anymore."

They broke up again? Wait, what?! Karkat's mouth dropped open in shock before he snapped it closed, blushing with embarrassment.

"Ugh, it's too calm in here," Aradia said, flipping her hair again. She swung her head in Nepeta's direction and an evil grin escaped her.

"Look at Kitty Girl, getting some fishy ass!" She whooped, and every head in the cafeteria turned to look.

"Hey!" John said angrily. "What the hell Aradia?!"

"Yeah, not cool," Sollux said, beginning to get up, "Don't pick on her like that."

John folded his arms and looked at Karkat, waiting for him to jump in and defend his friend. Karkat sat silently, unsure what to say.

"Oh my god, lighten up," Terezi said, "We're just teasing! We do it all the time, so don't get your panties in a knot,  _Thollux._  It's funny, right Karkles?" She pouted her lips at him, which were, unsurprisingly, cherry red. He wondered if they  _tasted_ like cherries too...

"Yeah, it's funny. It's fine guys, calm the fuck down." Karkat parroted.  _Yeah, if that's what Terezi thinks, then it's bound to be fine! Right? Yeah, of course! They're obviously just joking. It's not like they're mean. Terezi would never be_ mean.

John and Sollux looked to Nepeta doubtfully. She looked crestfallen.

"It's like Karkat said...it's fine guys," she said quietly, "It's not that big of a deal..."

The bell rang and they caught Nepeta's arms and escorted her from the table, obviously nonplussed. What was  _their_ problem?

"Sorry about that," Karkat said, rolling his eyes in apology for his very rude friends.

"It's fine, but..." Terezi bit her lip and fluttered his eyelashes, "Can you not bring them with you next time?"

Karkat swallowed the lump in his throat that he didn't even know was there.

"Sure."


	6. Chapter 6

Flashback~

_Ok. I'm gonna do it. I'm going to. It's not that hard, why am I so nervous?!_

Karkat reclined back in his chair, exhaling an aggravated sigh. All he had to do was PM her. One private message. Fans did it all the time! And he'd probably already made himself noticeable to her. He read every story and reviewed every chapter. It wasn't exactly like he was a shrinking violet.

Hm, doesn't this self-motivational speech sound familiar. Or will, anyways.

He scooted back and began to type, but his nervousness was just making him typo a lot.

"Ugh!" He slammed his hands into his face. "Whhhy can't I do this?!"  _Ok. Ok. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Deeeeeeeeep breaths, and oh, are there gold sparks on the ceiling or is it just me? Moooom, the world is spiiiiinnniiiiinnng_

Ok. Fuck deep breaths. That shit was  _not_ good for nervous people. He had to think of something else. What had Nepeta said?

_"I think I wanna message this cool author..." Karkat said warily, "but I'm nervous..." He ruffled his hair bashfully._

_"You're nervous about_ that? _Why? You don't have anything to lose!" She smiled at him, emerald eyes twinkling. "Just go for it!"_

Right.

"Nothing to lose," he chanted.  _Nothing to lose..._

From: whoneedssleep69

UH. WELL HI. I GUESS I SHOULD TELL YOU THAT I'M K IND OF A FAN. OK. A LOT OF A FAN. I REALLY LIKE YOUR STORIES...AND, YEAH. THAT'S IT.

He closed his eyes tightly and hit send.

"Ahhhh!" he whisper-screamed.  _I did it! I totally did it!_ He glanced at his clock, 11:27 p.m., and settled into his computer chair.

_Now to wait for her to message back..._

* * *

It should not take someone over five mutes to reply. It had been SIX MOTHERFUCKING MINUTES. Nothing. He'd been refreshing and refreshing and refreshing and-

Oh, look. She messaged back.

 _HOOOOLLLLYYYY FUCK DICK SHIT AAAAAH!_ KK was having his own private little arm spazzing rave, thanks for asking. No, he wasn't FLIPPING HIS SHIT, why would you think that?

He eagerly clicked on the message, a smile breaking free from his normally pissed off expression.

From: zodiacsrule9

:33 why thank you! its always amazing to know that people like my stories! i apurrciate your kind words.

From: whoneedssleep69

HA, I HAVE A FRIEND WHO MAKES CAT PUNS JUST LIKE YOU, BUT SHE ALWAYS CORRECTS THEM. SHE MUST BE A FAN TOO!

From: zodiacsrule9

:33 oh really? thats pawsome! whats her name?

From: whoneedssleep69

NEPETA.

* * *

And that was the last time she ever replied.


	7. Chapter 7

_Knock, knock._ KK rapped on John's door, and was greeted by the smiling brunette. Sunday had always been their bro day, no Nepetas or Kanayas allowed.. Who needed girls when you had video games?

"I am going to kick all of your aththeth today," Sollux said proudly, waving around the controller.

Karkat playfully knocked him back on the couch with a single push. "Correction. You're going to  _kithth_ my ass, because I am the Mario master."

"Oh please." John, bringing out a controller for Karkat, "Who's had thirty bazillion more hours of playing it?"

Karkat laughed, taking the controller, and subjected himself to the couch. The warm stream on sunlight felt better now that it was assaulting him at noon, and not four in the morning. Why he had to exercise on weekend too, who knows. But he did it for Terezi.

Five minutes later~

"Oh god dammit!" Karkat cussed.

"I kicked your bootay, I kicked your boooootay!" John squawked in what Karkat supposed was originally supposed to be singing. "Who's the Mario king now Vantas?"

"Still me. Don't you know a king is defined by his victory dance?" Karkat quirked an eyebrow.

"And  _yourth,_ " Sollux said, pointing to John, "thuckth."

Karkat guffawed loudly, "That sounds like something Terezi would say!" He clutched his sides in mirthless laughter, but it took him a second to realize that the other two weren't laughing.

"KK, that'th not funny," Sollux said, frowning. "Don't compare me to her. Terezi and all thothe Popularth were bitcheth to Nepeta on Friday."

"Yeah," John chimed in, "She was really hurt by their teasing. Couldn't you tell?"

"Uh, no." Karkat said sarcastically. "You guys are blowing this way out of proportion. They didn't mean anything by it, and Nepeta was fine. Calm your tits." He sighed in fake exasperation, hoping to joke the argument away.

"Whatever," Sollux scoffed, "Forget about it."

And he did.

* * *

_Wow, she looks beautiful today..._

Karkat gazed at Terezi, not bothering to hide his infatuation. She was actually talking to him, full-blown  _talking to him._ It had cut down his time with friends, now that he was sitting with Populars at lunch, but it was  _Terezi_ they were talking about. He could hang out with his friends on weekends.

Terezi swiveled back and giggled at karkat's obvious staring. She blew a kiss and he felt his cheeks heat up. A month of Kanaya's early bird fuck-all routine had sent him spiraling into the swirl of cool. He even had the beginnings on abs, that he was very proud of.

Luckily, his friends had left the teasing thing alone. They'd finally come to their sense and were happy for him. She was on his thoughts and in his words all the time. Putting it simply, he loved her.

The bell sounded shrill in his ear as he stood up to leave. Oh, the agony at being separated from her beautiful sunglass'd eyes and her delicate cackle. How could he possibly live through another eighty minutes without her?

"Karkles!" Terezi called, pouncing on his arm with a gesture that reminded him distinctly of Nepeta.

"Hey Terezi," Karkat said, curling his arm around her waist. He wanted to date her. He wanted to date her  _so bad. Be my girlfriend!_ He chanted subconsciously. How was it that Populars could be so flirty without dating? It was a concept he'd had to get used to.

"Oh my god, tell me you're going to Gamzee's party this weekend!" She squealed and Karkat inadvertently winced at both the high pitch and the mention of her on again, off again (thank god it was off right now) boyfriend.

"Uhhh, party? I wasn't aware I was invited to said party." He bit his tongue to stop himself from insulting the juggalo freak, at least in front of Terezi. God, that dude pissed him off, always ogling Terezi. And Nepeta too! Gamzee was on of the few things he and Equius agreed on: Keep him away from Nepeta. One of the days, karkat had a suspicion that Gamzee was gonna kill her or something! What a weirdo.

"Of course you're invited, silly goose!" She laughed, "He may be a crazy-ass stoner, but  _damn,_ he throws a good party." She leaned in to whisper in his ear and goosebumps rose on his flesh.

"His parents are supposedly drug dealers, and they  _always_ leave the liquor cabinet unlocked. But stay away from the punch, unless you wanna wake up in an alley,  _without_ your ass-virginity." She threw her head back and gave a witchy cackle. Karkat tried to laugh, but it was a half-assed attempt and he knew it.

To be honest, liqour and smoking and drugs had always freaked him out. Maybe it was the multitude of lectures he'd gotten from his red-sweater obsessed cousin, or maybe it was because he just liked his brain cells, thank  _you._ As much as he pretended to be a badass, a part of Karkat was still young and innocent, and he didn't want to corrupt that part of him anytime soon.

He hated knowing that Terezi did stuff like that. He'd heard many things about her that he chose not to believe. Stories of drunken makeouts, secrets, lies, lesbian flings, and cheating. But those were just rumours.

At least, that's what he told his friends when they worried. He loved Terezi, and one of these days, he was going to get the courage to ask her out, and kiss her like he'd always imagined.

But that day was not today, and until it  _was_ that day, he would just have to go to lame parties thrown by stoner boys.

"Yeah," he said, "I'll be there."


	8. Chapter 8

"A party?" Kanaya squealed, "Oh, I'm so proud! My baby brother, going to his first  _party!_ " She swung him around the living room and Karkat had to close his eyes for fear of motion sickness.

"Kanaya, calm your tits. It's  _just_ a party," he snapped, but his fluttering nerves proved that it was much more than  _just_ a party.

"Oh my god, I have to call Rose!" Kanaya scurried off and soon Karkat could hear her chattering away.  _Not a lesbian, my ass!_ Karkat joked to himself. He carefully made his way up the stairs, not wanting to wake his mom up. she'd freak out even more than Kanaya did.

He clicked open his door and slipped inside, snagging his phone from its charger along the way. Karkat flopped on his crappily made bed and flicked open his phone, taking a deep breath.

He was progressing in his quest. Terezi had invited him to a party, with her! Finally allowing himself to show his elation, he cheered and flapped his arms around. Dancing over to his CD player, he slammed the play button and Taylor Swift blared out. Perfect.

Yes, he liked Taylor Swift. Fuck you.

The phone went flying in his victory dance and bounced across the gray carpet, flipping itself closed. Karkat grabbed his hair brush, carelessly splayed on his dresser, and jammed out in front of the mirror.

" _You're on the phone, with your girlfriend she's upset,"_ He crooned, not hearing the knock on the door.

 _"She's going off about something that you said~!"_ His door creaked open, and a blue kitty hat peered in, eyes widening and ears perking up. KK still hadn't noticed, and simply jammed harder.

" _Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along, why can't you seeeeeeeeeeeeeee, you belong with meeeeeeeeeeeeee,"_

 _"You belong with me,"_ Nepeta sang softly. Karkat jumped and threw the hair brush across the room.

"Aah!" He shrieked, "You-! Oh god dammit, I-!" He hung his head in defeat. "Just don't tell anyone, ok Nepeta?"

She giggled and snatched the brush from the ground. "Are you kidding me? I love Taylor Swift!" Nepeta grinned and Karkat smirked right back.

He grabbed a remote and they both sang along to the next verse. Karkat didn't really sing in front of people, especially not T-Swift, but then again, neither did Nepeta. And she was special.

" _Standing byyyyyyyy, waiting at your back door, all this time, how could you not know babyyyyyyyy,"_ They screeched, I mean, sang.

Nepeta ended the song with a flourish of an air guitar solo and they both collapsed on Karkat's bed laughing. He'd hardly felt so free since he started making Terezi like him, and he'd  _never_ sang in front of any of his friends before. It was nice.

It took them a second to blush at the realization that they were laying on a bed together. Nepeta sat up hurriedly and collected her hat from where it landed during her epic solo.

"Oh, fuck, right, you came for something." Karkat said, "What's up?" He leaned lazily against the headboard of his bed, not caring that his hair was now disheveled. He was comfortable around her, so who cared? Besides Kanaya, anyway.

"Oh, right. Well, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out this weekend?" Her voice squeaked (adorably. Who said that?!) with nervousness.

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry Nep. I'm going to a party." He ruffled his hair and looked down in apology.

Her pale pink lips formed an O of surprise. "Really?! A party!? It's been forever since I've been to one of those!' She was flushed with excitement, and if she had a tail, Karkat could have sworn that it was frisking back and forth.

"Yeah, Terezi invited me," He said, "Isn't that awesome? She  _has_ to like me to invite me places!" He flashed a rare smile at Nepeta's slightly bonier face.  _I wonder if she's on a diet, like me...Obviously working for her._

Her face fell, and Karkat saw sadness in her jeweled green eyes. She looked worried, and, in fact, she looked worried about him. He inwardly scoffed. She had nothing to be worried about. Why was she sad anyway? Terezi obviously liked him, what was the travesty in that?!

"A Popular party..." She murmured, "It's at Gamzee's place, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Karkat said with surprise, "It is. How did you know?"

She shook her head quickly."Oh, just a guess." As she fidgeted with her long sleeve shirt, her gaze kept drifting down to his phone. Finally, she gently picked it up, and scrolled through the contacts.

"Good. I'm still in here. Please, do me a favor, would you Karkat?" She asked, looking up with big, pleading eyes.

"What? What favor?" Karkat asked curiously.

"Don't do anything stupid," She snapped, "Don't drink, give caution to anything they offer you and  _don't trust them._ No matter how much they say 'It'll be fun,' just  _don't._ "

Karkat flinched at her harsh tone. She sounded so serious that he found himself a little frightened.

"Purromise?" Nepeta said, not bothering to correct her quirky way of speaking. She held out her tiny pinky, ready to hold him to his word.

Karkat sighed deeply, then linked his pinky with hers.

"I promise."

* * *

CarcinoGeneticist began trolling EctoBiologist

CG: HEY FUCKASS.

EB: you're as cheerful as ever karkat

CG: SHUT UP

CG: ANYWAY, ARE YOU FREE THIS WEEKEND?

EB: oh wow karkat, i didn't know you cared! :D

CG: AGAIN, SHUT UP.

CG: TEREZI INVITED ME TO A PARTY

CG: IT WOULD JUST BE AWKWARD IF I DIDN'T KNOW ANYONE THERE.

EB: as much as it touches my heart that you asked

CG: FUCK YOU

EB: i can't. i'm going to study with dave. sorry!

CG: I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU STAND SUCH A PRICK

EB: i don't know how i stand you either ;)

CG: OH GOD DAMMIT. I WALKED RIGHT INTO THAT ONE.

EB: you even held the door open for me

CG: WITH A POLITE, 'DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS ON THE WAY OUT.'

EB: i don't think that would be polite, but ok.

CG: JOHN...UH...DO YOU THINKING TEREZI LIKES ME?

EB: yeah, actually, i do. i mean, dude, she invited you to a party! that's obvious!

EB: even you caught that one!

CG: GEE, THANKS EGDERP.

EB: you're welcome fuckass ;)

EB: bye!

* * *

ArsenicCatnip began trolling CuttlefishCuller

AC: :33 hi!

CC: Oh, hello! I haven't heard from you in forever and a half!

CC: How's life? Glub glub. 38D

AC: :33 well

AC: :33 i heard there was a purrty this w33kend?

CC: Yeah, at Gamzee's!

AC: :33 where else could it pawsibly have b33n?

CC: Cod, you're right about that!

CC: Are you gonna go? Tons of our fronds will be there!

AC: :33 theyre mostly your furends now

CC: Don't talk like that! Just because she...

CC: Oh, you know what I mean! The rest of us are not your anemones!

AC: :33 *ac tilts head in purriosity*

CC: Enemies.

CC: You should go! Please? Purrease? 38)

AC: :33 im sorry fef...

AC: :33 terezi invited karkitty to that purrty

CC: Uh-oh. Has he ever been to a Gamzee party?

AC: :33 no he hasnt

AC: :33 i tried to tell him and i think it sunk in...but you know them..hell furget evfurrything i told him!

CC: Then why don't you come with? Keep an eye on him?

AC: :33 beclaws! you know what theyll do if i go

AC: :33 i dont want him to...

CC: Yeah, I get what you mean.

CC: You want me to keep an eye on him?

AC: :33 yes purrease! :DD

CC: You're whalecome. 38D

CC: Fronds furever?

AC: :33 fronds furever

* * *

GallowsCalibrator began trolling TerminallyCapricious

GC: OH G4MZ33

GC: YOO-HOO

GC: H3H3H3

TC: Yo, WhAt'S uP mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg SiS?

GC: OK, NO H4RD F33L1NGS 4BOUT DUMP1NG YOU, R1GHT?

GC: (4G41N)

TC: NaH, bRo, It'S cOoL

GC: OK, GOOD

GC: SOOO, 1 1NV1T3D K4RKL3S TO TH3 P4RTY

TC: ShIt BrO, iSn'T cAtSiS gOnNa GeT mAd?

GC: OH PL34S3. SH3 WON'T DO 4NYTH1NG.

GC: JUST M4K1NG SUR3 YOUR P4RTY W1LL B3 F4NT4BULOUS ;]

TC: It'Ll Be BiTcHtItS wIcKeD yO

GC: 3XC3LL3NT

GC: S33 YOU TH3N!

 


	9. Chapter 9

"Kanaya, I look stupid." Karkat said testily, pulling at his new shirt. Apparently, she'd bought it when he wasn't looking, but now it glowed in its neon yellow glory. Of all the colors...

"No, you don't. It's a party sweetie, you're  _supposed_ to look like an idiot." Kanaya said, mussing up his hair.

"yeah, that's a vote of confidence," he said scathingly. "Can you just give me the car keys so I can go?" he wiggled his fingers impatiently, anxious to leave.

She dangled the keys above his palm, with a few last instructions. "It starts at six, right? Wait till 6:10 to go in."

"What? Why?"

"Because."

"Good one Kan, you should be a lawyer."

She ignored his response and continued her advice. "If you're going to refuse something, don't lecture them or try to change their decisions. There's going to be vulgar jokes and very bad language. Things even you wouldn't say. Don't let them see you surprised. If they insult you, insult back, but not too harshly, because they won't mean it."

"Jesus Kan, have you been to one of these before?"

Her eyes darkened. "I haven't. But someone else has."

* * *

Karkat perched in the seat of Kanaya's convertible, staring at the clock. Two more minutes til he could go in, according to fucked-up party etiquette. It pissed him off how everyone automatically assumed that he would have no idea how to handle himself at a party. Bitch please. He would walk in and  _own_ that damn dance floor. No more practicing in front of the mirror, this twerking expertise deserved to be shown to the world.

6:10. Finally. He threw open the car door with spunk and walked purposefully through the door to Gamzee's huge house and-

Holy. Shit.

It was a fucking mob in there! Karkat ducked his head to narrowly avoid getting kicked by a flailing guy riding on the chandelier. People were clustered everywhere, red plastic cups in hand. Easily ten times the number of people in the high school were squished in Gamzee's enormous living room.

Karkat was way overwhelmed. He couldn't even speak. There was cigarette smoke floating through the air, and the smell of cheap and expensive booze was attacking his lungs. He hacked, and was only rewarded by a storm of glares from a bunch of obviously drunk girls.

 _What the hell is this?! This isn't a party! This is an army of early deaths and STDs waiting to happen!_ He spun around wildly, searching for someone,  _anyone_ he knew.

"Karkles!" Terezi glomped him with delight, and caught off guard, he topped tot he ground. She was so close that he could smell the cherry alcohol on her breath.

"Get a room," somebody sneered.

Terezi wrapped her arm seductively around Karkat's neck and pulled him up. "Oh, we plan to." She purred. Grabbing his hand, she yanked him up the stairs.

"W-what are you doing?" He spluttered.

"C'mon, let's finnd the others." She darted through a series of hallways and door, even running through a most pit, as impossible as that sounds.

Finally, she stopped, and flung open a royal purple door. "Tah-dah! I found him!" She said triumphantly.

The group of Populars, minus Gamzee, all stared at him. They were sitting in what Karkat would later realize was a Truth or Dare circle. And he thought that game was for kids. Oh, how wrong our dear protagonist was.

"Heyyy!" The Pretty Girl,  _Fef,_ patted the floor next to her. "Come sit with me KK!" She said cheerfully.

He hesitated to leave Terezi's side, but she was already sitting net to Dave.

_Fucking Strider..._

"Having fun?" Feferi asked over the faint throbbing of techno from the other rooms.

"Uh, yeah."  _No._ "Where are we? And why is it so quiet?" Karkat looked around the room, noting the lack of light, and the abundance of glow sticks.

"It's Gamzee's room," She explained, "And it's sound proof because, uh, hehe..." She giggled nervously. "He parties a lot. And, um, you know what happens at parties..." She trailed off, and blushed so bright that her face practically turned fuchsia.

He didn't need much more explaining to figure out what exactly Gamzee did in this room. He made a mental note to avoid the bed. And the chairs. Sofa, floor walls. Hell, even the  _ceiling_ should be avoided.

"Parties are crazy," He said, eyes round as he examined the ( _don't touch ANYTHING)_ room.

"Oh, you should have been tot he ones back in the day," Feferi laughed. "Definitely less bad crazy, but much more  _good_ crazy, like water balloon fights with soda! Terezi kinda changed the way we partied..."

"Wait, who was around before Terezi?" he asked.

Speak of the devil, I mean, angel. Terezi clapped for attention before sitting on Strider's lap. Just how wasted was she?

"Kaaay, Truth-or-Dare time!" She singsonged. "Anyone know where Gamzee is?"

"Here," he drawled lazily as he strode in, flopping onto an acid green beanbag. 'I had to leave Tavbro cuz of your game TZ."

"It's not  _her_ game," Eridan snarled, "It was around  _Before._ " He glared at Gamzee through huge hipster frames.

"Well, yeah but TZ's the game leader now."

" _Let's not talk about Before, shall we?"_ Terezi said in a voice underlaid with poisonous barbs. What the hell was 'Before'?

"Yeah guys, this is getting waaay boring," Aradia said, examining her rust-red talon nails.

"Hypocrite!" Vriska teased, pushing her over.

"Speak for yourself!" She shot back.

 _If they insult you, they're joking,_ Karkat remembered.

"Guys!" Terezi snapped, and they fell silent, awaiting her next statement. "Dare me."

"Switch panties with Roxy," Vriska said, giggling, "And then show everybody what she was wearing."

Terezi sninffed. "Easy enough. C'mon Rox," She said, dragging the obviously incoherent blonde to a closet. The room dissolved into chatter again.

"Is this it?" Karkat whispered to Feferi, "Just Truth or Dare? Holy shit, compared to the rest of the party...I thought there was gonna be strip poker or something!"

"Don't hold your breath. Knowing them, strip ANYTHING is a possibility," Eridan said, sliding by his left side.

"Truth or Dare is what we usually do," Feferi said, "And sometimes it's good,  _kinda_ clean fun, at least, for those of us who remember the old games. But Terezi's games...they get crazy."

Terezi burst out of the closet, with Roxy, in bright red cheeksters, behind her.

"Yeah," he said, "I can tell."

Terezi swiveled her pink thong clad hips as Karkat shifted uncomfortably at what he saw, trying to look  _anywhere_ that wasn't compromising. His Terezi wouldn't act like that. She must be very, very,  _very,_ drunk. Although, that wasn't exactly a saving grace to the situation.

This time, she settled on Gamzee's lap, and he gave a sleazy grin. "Newbie's turn?" She said, playfully tucking a strand of red hair behind her ear.

"Ooh, ooh! Meeeeeeeeeeeee!" Aradia crowed, wiggling her ass, much to Dave's delight.

"I pick Truth," he said quietly. He really regretted this.  _Really_ regretted this. In what fucked up world was this fun? He supposed that if it was less perverted, less drunk, and more friendly instead of flirty, sure this  _could_ be fun, but now? No way in hell was this 'fun'.

"Ugh, Truth? Karkles, get with the program! Be brave!" Terezi frowned at him.

_No matter how much they say "It'll be fun"..._

"Truth." He said firmly.

"Ok," Aradia wriggled into a sitting position, "Whaddya think of TZ's new underoos?"

He turned bright red. "What kind of question is that?! I wasn't looking!" He fumbled to get up, ignoring the bored stares from the others. "I'm gonna go get something to drink, just, nevermind!"

He pushed his way out into the hallway, chastising himself as he went.  _I'm doing something wrong...What did I say? God, how are they all so relaxed with questions like that?!_

He realized with annoyance that Nepeta had also told him not to drink anything there, not even water. God damn Popular people and their fancy party rules. Squashing through the vapors of people, he managed to force his way back into the room.

To see Terezi making out with Dave.

His jaw dropped, and despite his manly resolve, tears gathered at the corners of his eyes. She unstuck her face long enough to grin at him, then dove back for more. His stomach clenched and without realizing it, he parted the crowd and ran to his car. He wanted to sleep, to drown the memory away. He wanted to cry without anyone seeing.

He wanted to see the His Terezi.


	10. Chapter 10

_How hard is it to hold a hand?!_ Karkat blushed furiously and inched his pinky towards her. Terezi slowly turned her teal gaze downwards and blushed faintly. The fountain they were sitting on ripped cheerfully, the sun winking off the mall entrance sign.

"Uh-hm, T-terezi...?" Karkat said, carefully sliding his hand closer.

"yes?" She asked sweetly, her other hand twisting through her scarlet hair, absent mindedly braiding. her hair was practically on fire from the golden light of the setting sun.

"Uh, well, um,"  _What was I saying?!_ "T-thanks for coming with me today?" He squeaked. Their pinkies brushed together, and electricity sparked up his spine.

"I'm really glad I did! It was so fun." She flashed him and delicate smile, barely revealing pointy incisors.

He gulped, trying not to stare at her overwhelming beauty. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course!"

"The other night...at the party..." he said quietly. "Why did you kiss Dave?"

"Why did I kiss...? Oh no, Karkles, you don't think I  _like_ him, do you?"

He shrugged and her calm expression shifted into one of apology.

"Oh Kar, I would never! It was a dare, and I was a little buzzed...I'm sorry that you ever thought that! I guess you would have been less hurt if you were drinking too...but you'd never do that, huh?" She smiled weakly. "I like that about you."

"L _-like_ that?!" He burst out, "You  _like_ something about me?"

She gently clasped his hand with hers.

"I love that about you."

* * *

Today was the day. he was gonna do it, he was going to give it to her! The tiny box was wrapped in red metallic paper, and had a small tag on it, bearing her name.

Terezi Pyrope. Even her name sounded beautiful, as delicate and yet, as badass as herself. He didn't understand how her small body could hold so much personality and wit. Kind and gentle, but strong and willful. And soon, all his.

If she said she'd go out with him.

"Happy seventeenth birthday," he whispered. His doorbell rang, and he fumbled with the box, hiding it in a pocket in his brown coat. He flew down the stairs and opened the door, hitting his forehead in the process.

"Terezi," he breathed. She hugged him tightly, and he inhaled the scent of cherries, the perfume she always wore. "Happy Birthday!" he said softly into her collarbone.

"Awww, thank you! I can't believe you're taking me out on my birthday, that's so sweet of you!" She was practically twitching with excitement, and for a second, Karkat felt endearing affection instead of undying love.

"Only for the best," he winked, holding the door open, and thanking God for his momentary burst of self-confidence. "Shall we?"

She skipped through the door, linking arms with him, and giggling. "We shall. Where to?" They made their way to Kanaya's shiny convertible and she slipped inside and settled against the soft leather.

"I was thinking..." he tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. "The movie theater?"

She gasped and sat straight in her seat. "You didn't!"

He whipped out the tickets. "I did."

They were proudly embossed with "Scalemates 2", a movie she'd been dying to see. She immediately squealed with delight. So far, this was going great! After the movie, he'd take her to the pier and give her the special box as the wind caressed their sun-kissed cheeks. And hopefully, it would work out like he'd always imagined.

* * *

"Extra large buttery popcorn please," Karkat said, shelling out the five bucks. "And two sodas."

"Are you  _sure_ you don't want me to to pay for something KK?" She asked, wrapping their hands together, like they often did.

"No way! It's your birthday, my treat."

As cranky as the ebony haired teenager was, he did love birthdays. And cake, ice cream, presents, excuses to hang out with his best friends, and did I mention cake? He'd saved up money for _weeks_ for the occasion. Today was the day.

Terezi curled up against him during the movie, pushing the annoying armrests out of the way. Those things were like a cockblock from hell. She was obviously engrossed in the movie, and although it was kind of hard to follow for Karkat, it was still funny.

The lights flicked back on, and he walked her out, his slender hand on the small of her back. he even flashed the movie attendant a grin, and the guy gave him a thumbs up.

_Fuck yeah thumbs up. I'm with the most beautiful girl in the whoooole world._

"Wanna go to the pier?" He asked once they were outside.

"Oh wow, I love the pier! God KK, you're just reading my mind today," She said adorably.

He cracked a handsome smile and pulled her elbow to follow him.

"There's something I wanna show you.'

* * *

"A present?" She gasped, "Karkat, what the-! You did  _all_ of this for me, it really wasn't necessary!" Although her statements seemed sincere, she eyed the red box.

"Of course it was necessary." Karkat said, "Open it, please."

She tore off the paper, and gaped at the contents of the small jewelery box.

A heart locket. Inside one picture of her and...one of him.

"Terezi," he started, with a flutter in his stomach, "I love you. I've always loved you. Your laugh, your smile, the eyes you never show off, the way you don't want to hurt people, they way that you are  _you._ "

"I waited this long to tell you because I was always afraid. God, I was so afraid! Afraid that you wouldn't like me back, afraid that I would ruin out friendship or some shit like that. But when you take my hand, I feel that electricity like on the first day I met you. You're special. You're different from the rest of the world, and I love that. I love you. So, I guess, what I'm saying is, will you go out with me?'

She sniffled, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. "I love you too! I was afraid the same way you were. Hell, I was terrified. I've scared off so many people from caring so much, and I just love you so much that I just-"

He cut her off with a kiss.

And woke up with tears on his pillow.


	11. Chapter 11

Nepeta's POV

 _I hate them. I hate them all._ I glare at the Populars around me, their perfect hair and perfumed clothes. The thick, hooker eye-makeup that  _only_ they could pull off. My mom wouldn't ever let me out of the house like that. The annoying squeals that attract everyone to them.

I can't believe I was one of them.

The parties, the fun, the slight fuzzy feeling in my fingertips from drinking. Before Terezi came, I had a different life. I was so confident once, full of vigor and adventure and life. At first, the only one I had was Equius. No friends. No excitement. No reason to live.

But I am strong, and I wanted revenge. I made myself beautiful, made myself impossible to control. I beat that crop of Populars, and then came middle school.

I discovered that there was good in the world. Populars that were nice. Feferi. Aradia. Vriska. Even Gamzee was nice, although he was constantly in trouble for being high in school. I flexed my control and decided to use my powers for good.

I started the chain of Truth or Dare games .Water balloon fights with soda, putting whipped cream in our bras. Washing said whipped cream out, without getting caught.

I was happy. So happy.

And then the faithful day when I saw him for the very first time.

Karkat Vantas.

A split second of electric eye contact in the hallway. Burgundy eyes met my green ones, and reminded me of a garnet, my favorite gemstone. Or maybe it became my favorite gemstone because it was the color of his eyes.

I knew he was The One. He had to be. I blushed so hard I could feel in my shoulder blades, and I looked away, flustered. I gathered up courage, and began talking to him. Getting him to open up to me was incredibly hard, he was locked up tighter than a clamshell!

But what kitty didn't love seafood?

I was somebody awesome. I was Nepeta Leijon, recognized for being cheerful, for making my beloved cat puns, for making silly kid's games fun again.

The same things that I would soon come to be made fun of for.

Terezi came in ninth grade, and took over everything. She sucked herself into our group. My group. I was originally ok with it, glad I had a new friend. Until the snubs rolled in.

"Um, what's with the cat speak?"

"Wow, green. Shoulda guessed."

She preyed on everyone's affections because she was blind, and it killed me to secretly hate her. I wanted to be mean, I really did. But a bigger part of me didn't. So I let it happen. I let myself shrink into the background. A stunt character in my own life. What had become of the strong girl I once was?

The only good point was that my isolation brought me closer to Karkitty. I mean, Karkat.

He hated that nickname.

The last blow happened close to the end of the year, when I revealed how I felt about him to my friends.

"You like  _him_?!" Terezi snickered. I, Aradia, Vris, Fef, and her lay in the park, among the thousands of dandelions. Before TZ came around, it was our favorite spot to go. Now, they went without me.

When you look at a field of dandelions you can see a thousand weeds, or a thousand wishes.

I used to see the wishes.

Now I see the weeds.

"Yeah. Karkat Vantas." I purred, shifting onto my stomach. "Isn't he adorable?"

"Um, no." Terezi quipped. "He's suuuch a geek. He hangs out with that hacker boy, and the bad-movie expert."

"Hey, that bad-movie expert is cute." Vriska said defensively.

"And 'hacker boy'," I said coldly, "likes Aradia."

She busts out laughing. "Oh please, like he'd have a chance with AA." She turns to her, and pats her knee condescendingly. "You're  _way_ too pretty for him."

She turns to me, and looks me up and down. "You've got a bit of a way to go if you want to attract a boy though."

My eyes narrow. "What does  _that_ mean?"

She shrugs indifferently. "Guys like skinny girls."

That one sentence has replayed in my mind for the past two years.

_Skinny girls._

When did skinny mean pretty? Skinny like Terezi? Like Fef, like Aradia, like Vriska? Was I not pretty if I couldn't count my ribs? I ignored her advice, and left the group shortly after.

And then I found out hat he loved her.

Terezi Pyrope.

My heart plummeted as he said her name, and said how much he loved her. I grew cold and I had to pretend like it wasn't a knife in my soul.

Sollux liked Aradia. John liked Vriska. Aradia liked Equius. Feferi liked Sollux. Vriska liked John.

And Karkat loved Terezi.

Who was going to love me?

As I went home that night, I remembered what Terezi said.

_Skinny girls._

_Guys like skinny girls._

I murmured a phrase I would soon be accustomed to using to my mother. "I'm not hungry," I said listlessly as I scurried to my room.

I threw myself into my stories, the small notebook with thousands of words in my messy handwriting. I lived through the things I saw around me, and just faded into gray backdrop. No one noticed. No one cared. Not even him, the one I'd never dreamed would find what I wrote. Things I wrote about him, about how I felt, about how I lived through fictional characters.

His signature style of writing, all caps.

The nervousness he could barely conceal.

I knew it was him right away, but he didn't know it was me. And I'd never let him know. I couldn't ruin what took me so long to create.

_Skinny girls._

I tried to ignore the fuzzy feelings in my head every time I stood. It was worth it. Karkitty was worth it. The pain was worth it. And when i started hurting myself, gently slicing my arms...he was worth that too. All I wanted was to be happy! Why didn't I deserve happiness? Please God, tell me why! Why didn't I deserve to be loved like everyone else? What had I ever done wrong?

Why wasn't I good enough? Why couldn't I be pretty enough, skinny enough, brave enough to have someone love me? Why wouldn't he ever look my way, and why wouldn't he ever realize how much I truly loved him and those burgundy eyes that have been imprinted in my mind every time I go to sleep?

I wiped a tear away, and ran out of math to the school bathroom.

Walls wouldn't tell of my endless wails.


	12. Chapter 12

_Fuck, how could I have been so stupid?!_ Karkat thought furiously,  _I should have laughed it off or something, not stormed off crying like a bitch!_ He slammed his fist on the bed, ignoring the slight pain as the headboard shook.

He had to catch the bus in 20 minutes, but he was still standing in his pajamas. Why bother putting the effort into anything if she wouldn't notice? If she would just be obsessed with Strider, what was the point?

But still, it was habit, and he did his hair, dressed fashionable, even eating breakfast, although it was tasteless.

What was going to happen at school? Who would talk to him now? All of his hard work to make her like him, was all that gone to shit?

Should he just give up?

 _No._ He shook his head violently, eliciting a strange look from Kanaya at the breakfast able.  _It is worth something. My Terezi is still in her head...somewhere. And I won't give up._

* * *

Karkat's gaze darted nervously around the room, searching for the fluffy red hair that was Terezi.  _Is she not here today?! dammit, I look hot today, why is she not here to witness this awesomeness?_

The door swung open, and Karkat's hear leaped in fright.  _Oh...there she is._ He dared to steal a glance at the chair next to him,  _her_ chair.

She waltzed in and slipped into her seat, winking at Vriska as she did so. God, she was beautiful. He blushed brightly and concentrated on his binder, overstuffed with school papers. How could she stand to be so perfect?

"Hey Terezi," he said easily, at least outwardly. Inwardly, he was flipping his shit.  _You are friends, you CAN talk to her! Pretend nothing happened..._

"Hey Karkles!" she said cheerfully. "Have fun at the party?"

_Fun?! Fuck no, I didn't have FUN! How is any of that FUN?!_

"...Yeah, sorta," he lied.

"I bet I know why you didn't have fun~!" she cajoled, leaning forward.

_Oh god, tell me you do. Tell me it was just a dare and my subconscious knew it all along! Tell me you like me dammit!_

"Why?" he asked, not allowing himself to be hopeful.

"Cuz you didn't drink anything, silly! It really amplifies the experience you know." She waggled her head, and in his own mind, he facepalmed.

I lied. He was hopeful.

"Haha," he said weakly, "Uhhh, maybe next time."

 _What happened to 'I love that about you', like in my dream? I thought she_ liked  _that about me!_

The door flung itself open again, and a messy blonde hurtled herself through, dragging an olive-green backpack with her. Panting, she set a note on the teacher's desk, who frowned disapprovingly.

"Late again, Leijon?"

He pronounced it Lee-yon, and she turned slowly around.

Ohhh shit.

Nepeta was a fairly going person, but her last name was one of  _those things_ that particularly rattled her. But ever since she got quiet, she hadn't bothered correcting anyone.

But today...?

"Leijon, actually.  _Laaay-onnn!_ French for lion, if you're interested. Please say it right." She flipped her hair and flounced to her seat.

 _That_ was a new one.

"Jesus Catnip," Terezi snarked, "Period much? Need a scratching post?"

"If I was, you'd be all up in  _that red,_ huh,  _Legislator."_ Nepeta hissed back. Karkat recoiled from shock at the venomous exchange, and Feferi whistled softly.

"Heyyy, Catsis got her sass back!" Gamzee hooted. Strider leaned over and high-fived her, and she turned pink.

Terezi, however, turned crimson.

 _What was_ that  _about?!_ Karkat looked at Sollux in confusion, and only received a bewildered shrug.

He stole another glance at Nepeta, and she almost looked...different. Wearing a long-sleeve shirt, as always (Jesus, she was so cold all the time), her hair just as messed up, but something...

That glow. That  _happy_ glow. He hadn't seen that grin in a while, the flash of white teeth, the faint blush of receiving attention. A switch had been flipped, or that was how it seemed.

Or rather, flipped back.

But he didn't like the look Strider was giving her.


	13. Chapter 13

**_Minor trigger warning for mention of self-harm_ **

* * *

_Terezi POV_

How  _dare_ that kitty girl! How  _dare_ she embarrass her in front of the class!

Terezi hit the mirror in her bedroom, making it shake, and her hand throb.  _Damn Leijon...Why does she get all the luck?!_

She grabbed her black liner and penciled thick stripes around her sightless eyes. Thank god for her excellent sense of smell to help her find the outlines.

How  _dare_ she bring up her handicap?!

"I bet you could smell it Legislator," she mocked, " _Oh please!_ Who decided to let  _you_ fight back?! I crushed you for a reason!" She whipped her mascara across the room, flinching when the thud echoed in her expert hearing.

She sunk to the ground, leaning against the chair by her mirror. She sucked in frustrated tears, and thanked herself for the foresight (no pun intended) of wearing waterproof mascara.

 _This won't stand. I won't let her become who she used to be. It took so much effort to get here, I_ won't  _let her be confident again. I stole her ex, I stole her friends, and I stole the place as the most popular girl in school!_

Her eyes glistened like jewels, and she wiped them away furiously, the smudges in her makeup just adding to her sorrowful beauty.

_I won't let her defeat me._

* * *

Nepeta's POV

 _I can't believe I did that!_ I thought happily, strolling through the halls with my old purposeful strider.

I mean stride.

What made me switch back?

I  _felt_ like it. A powerful will is furry impurrtant for t33nage girls! And  _mine_ is simply the powerfulest around! I lock eyes with Feferi, and she skips over, linking arms with me.

"That was awesome in class the other day!" She sings, eyes crinkling with the force of her smile.

"Thank you," I said modestly, feeling myself beam with pride. It's been a while since I've felt like this, this feeling called 'happy'.

I love it.

Fef stops dead, and the color drains from her face. "Look," she whispers, and points with a fuchsia fingerless glove to a rarely taken hallway. I see a gleam of glasses and realize that it's Vriska.

She motions to me, and dips down the hallway. Fef tightens her grip on my arm, and I understand why. I understand completely. Really, I shouldn't trust Vriska...but I do.

I've spent so much time with her that I can't help but remember how much I care about her, even if she doesn't care about me. When middle school started, I was very scared of the girl in my new group of friends.

But one day she didn't come to school, and despite my fear, I was worried about her. Luckily, a timid boy named Tavros knew her address. I remember I missed a really important math test that day, and nearly failed the class because of it. I remember exactly how that exchange went, the day I knocked on her door, trembling in my soft gray sneakers. I remember how she flung open the door, with a bruise on her cheek and tears glistening in her eyes.

I'd never seen tears in eyes before that day. I've seen them fall of course, but I've never seen them stand in the wide eyes of someone hurt. They were huge, and slightly milky white, like spider's silk. I knew what that bruise meant, and I knew that there were others.

"What are  _you_ doing here?" She had snapped at me, defiantly flipping her hair over her bruise. I had gently reached out and touched it, feeling the most pity I had ever felt in my life.

She dissolved into tears.

And the rest is history.

I looked at Feferi with my wide emerald eyes. "We can trust her."

I dart down the hallway, stopping when we enter the girl's locker room. This is vaguely suspicious and more than a bit familiar. Only the back lights flicker on, and Feferi clutches my hand tighter.

The locker room has always been scary. Games of Slenderman and Bloody Mary played here after school, times we ran home squealing because of a ghostly wail, people using the lights from their phones to find the numbers on the lock when the teacher forgot to flick the lights on.

"Vris? Why did you lead us here?" I ask with a slight warble.  _Me. Why did you lead me here? You knew I would follow you..._

I see her gaze turn downcast and my heart sinks.

I shouldn't have trusted her.

"Well, well, Miss Kitty took the bait!" jeered Terezi, stepping out from the shadows. "Old bonds still tug at your heart?"

"Quite an underhanded move for such a righteous judge," I spit, and she glowers at me, eyes burning with resentment.

"Look, I don't know how you know that I  _used_ to be a 'Law and Order' kind gal, but you can shut the hell up about it. I'm not that girl anymore."

"Well, obviously." I quip and feel a sharp burn on my cheek. She has slapped me, and Feferi drops my hand like it stung her. I brace myself, already familiar with Terezi's method of breaking me.

I stare her down, and she hits me again, jabbing me in the abdomen. It hurts worse than the slap, and I topple backward as I lose my balance.

"Still pudgy as ever. Guys like  _skinny_ girls Miss Kitty!"

That hurts more than the physical pain, and tears well in my eyes. "Has anyone ever told you that guys don't like bitches either?" I manage through gritted teeth. A punch to the left side of my face and I know it's going to look worse than the slices on my arms.

"Vantas obviously does," she sneers, "And I'm planning on making him mine."

I lunge for her face, and clock her so hard that she spins back a bit.

" _Don't you even dare!"_ I screech furiously, surprising even myself with how violent I'm being. This is the first time I've fought back against Terezi's torment, but I know my brave face won't keep for long.

She tackles me to the ground, knocking my head against the concrete floor.  _Damn that hurt..._

"Aradia!" She barks, "Hold her down!" Aradia hesitates, but a piercing glare from Terezi sends her awkwardly shuffling over to me. Such a powerful weapon from a blind girl, no? All of my rage and contempt is beamed from me with a withering stare, better than any I've ever given before, and she winces.

"C'mon Vris," Terezi hisses, "Hit her."

She doesn't move.

"Hit her or I'll hit you, bitch."

Vriska snaps her head back and growls. "Don't you fucking try." She stalks over to me and when she kicks me in the side, I see tears in her eyes. Nice to know she remembers  _something,_ at least enough to feel remorse for what she's doing. That's all I can ask for.

Terezi points a vicious finger at Feferi and pokes her sharply in the chest. "Don't you tell anybody, or I swear to God, I'll make your life hell. Even hacker-boy won't look at you twice. But then again, he's too busy looking at Aradia to do that anyway."

Feferi, trembling, crying, gives a tiny nod and runs out. I feel my slight rise of confidence fly out with her, and I curl in on myself.

More kicks. Pain washes over me with every word she's saying.

"You're worthless! Remember that! Say it!  _Say it dammit!"_

"I'm worthless," I whisper.

" _Louder!"_

"I'm worthless!" I cry out.

"That's right." She says proudly. "Remember Gamzee? Remember your ex-boyfriend? Even  _he's_ less worthless than you, and let's face it, he's gonna  _die_ from all the shit he does! Karkat won't ever look at you! You're ugly and fat and  _suuuuuuch_ a geek!"

She rips my sleeve up and  _tsks_ at the cuts. "My, my, these aren't even fresh. Why, I'm disappointed in you Miss Kitty. Don't you feel the need to remind yourself that you don't deserve to exist?"

I nod weakly, and after one more bruising punch, she leaves. The door slamming echoes in my head, and throbs.

Is she right? Is she? Am I really that useless? Will Karkat really never love me? Will I really die alone, with nothing ever accomplished? If so many people say it, it must be true.

At least no one I love has to suffer to wrath too. There's not much more I can ask for.

I stumble out of the locker room, yet another time, broken and battered. I jump at the glint of sunglasses, and a calm voice addressing me cooly.

Too cooly.

"Need a lil' help there?" Dave drawls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I PROMISE I DO LIKE TEREZI. I'M SORRY TEREZI FANS.


	14. Chapter 14

Karkat opened one eye at his crappy phone, absent mindedly checking his messages, and finding nothing. He hadn't heard from any of his friends for three hours, not even Nepeta. Were they mad at him? He chuckled weakly.

_Everyone's mad at me all the time. I mean, I do kinda ask for it. I'm always pissed, so, I guess...it's my fault._

He swiped at his eyes, refusing to believe that this mere revelation could make him cry. Could all of his friends? Sollux and John? Even Nepeta, whose friendship reigned strong in his heart? He shook his head, and decided to put the thought away.

His phone buzzed and he sprang for it, nearly falling off his bed in the process. God damn, he needed to upgrade this thing. on the bright side, a nokia would be helpful in a zombie apocalypse or in a  _Mirai Nikki_ -esque game.

Shit, he was getting off topic.

He flipped his phone open and peered with raised eyebrows at the unfamiliar number, as well as the weird-ass way of typing.

H33333Y K4RKL3S! :]

 _Karkles? Oh my god, is this Terezi?_ His heart instantly started beating faster, but maybe a little differently. It was more than a little creepy that she had just got his number...

TEREZI?

WOW, 4LL C4PS. H4PPY TO H34R FROM M3?

I ACTUALLY JUST LIKE CAPS, BUT UHHH, YEAH

H3H3

WHERE DID YOU GET IT?

4R4D14 P3RSU4D3D 3QU1US FOR M3

He didn't want to know what Aradia did. he did  _not_ want to know.

UHM. WELL. COOL I GUESS (:B

SOOOO W4NN4 GO OUT?

"WHAT?!" He exclaimed, throwing his phone across the room, as if it were poisonous. He scrambled to retrieve it, heart bursting out of his chest.  _Had she really sent that?!_ He hesitantly clicked on the message, rereading it. He'd probably misread it.

SOOOO, W4NN4 GO OUT?

Nope. It still said that.  _Aaaahhhh! What do I saaay?! Oh no, it's been two minutes, she probably think I don't like her, but I doooo, I totally do!_

_Do I wait? Aah, fuck no, I can't wait! Do I say yes? DUH! Do I say hell yes? HELL FUCKING YES?!_

YOU MEAN LIKE...DATE?

Smooth Vantas. Reeeeaaal smooth.

UHHH, Y34H L1K3 D4T3.

 _AAAAAAAAHHH!_ Karkat threw his phone across the room again, but swiftly retrieved it, fingers flying. Thank god for nokias and their indestrucability.

LIKE, YOU'D BE MY GIRLFRIEND?

1'D B3 TH3 BOYFR13ND 1F YOU W4NT3D M3 TO, BUT 1 DON'T TH1NK YOU'D LOOK GOOD 1N 4 DR3SS.

UM, WELL, HELL YES!

3XC3LL3NT ;]

BY3

_Was that right? Did I act suave? Charming?_

(no Karkat, no you did not)

He took another look at the conversation, and was left with one question plaguing his mind.

_What the actual fuck just happened..?_

* * *

"Thhe WHAT?!" Sollux screamed into his phone. Karkat's ear rang from the force of the shriek issued from his best friend, and wincing, held the phone away from his face.

"She asked me out,' he said calmly. Oddly enough, he wasn't flipping his shit like he'd always imagined. If anything he felt a little...let down?

"You're  _dating_ now?!" Sollux said disbelievingly, "Thhit man, jutht, WOW. There'th hope for uth lotherth after all! Aradia, here I come!"

"Yeah...go for it dude..."

"Why aren't you freaking out? Jeez, if it wath Aradia and me, I'd be changing my facebook thatuth like a  _bothth._ Knowing you...why aren't you lithtening to thome Taylor Thwift?"

"Hey," Karkat snapped, "T-swift is epic, and you know it. And...God I don't know. I guess I feel a little disappointed with the way it turned out? Her asking me? There, I said it!"

Ever since Karkat was young, even before he loved Terezi, he knew that he loved romance. Whenever he imagined confessing like a kawaii anime schoolgirl, he knew that it would be the most romantic lovey-dovey fuckery ever.

And this...wasn't.

She TEXTED him. No interlude of "I've always loved you," just "wanna go out?"

And as modern and shy (and lazy) as Karkat was, he had to admit that a small part of him wanted the guy to make the move. It was just more gentlemanly that way, and he'd always admired those fancy monacle'd gentlemen.

But still... _Terezi!_ It was  _Terezi!_ So why wasn't he thrilled?!

"Pleathe tell me that jutht becauthe it wathn't 'romantic' you're going to be all piththy about it." Sollux groaned. There Karkat was, making all the  _thupid_ decithionth.  _Again._

"I don't know. A little. Yeah, it's TEREZI FUCKING PYROPE, but...I'll never get to confess to her." Karkat sighed. "That was kinda a huge thing for me."

"What, like your firtht kithth?" Sollux snickered. "Of all the people for the bottle to land on, you got  _Nepeta."_

"YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THAT! IT WAS JUST A GAME, THAT DOESN'T EVEN COUNT!"

"Are you  _thuuuuuuuure_?"

"YES, I'M SURE, YOU DIPSHIT!"

"Ok," Sollux teased, "Whatever you thay."

"Ugh. Bye."

"Bye."

In his frustration, Karkat whipped his nokia on the carpet, again unsurprised when he picked it up unscathed. Fucking nokias. He sat on his bed, head in his hands. Why wasn't he bouncing off the motherfucking walls? Why not? Shall we revisit the situation?

Terezi asked him out.

He was  _going out_ with Terezi.

HE WAS GOING OUT WITH TEREZI PYROPE FOR GOD'S SAKE!

The thought brought a small smile, tugging on the corners of his mouth. If that thought didn't make him happy, nothing would. His lifelong (two years actually, dumbass) dream of dating Terezi had come true.

There were happy endings.

He was living in one.


	15. Chapter 15

Nepeta POV

"Oh, D-dave!" I stutter, unsure where to look. The outline of his eyes behind sunglasses follow my every move, and I'm not sure how to feel.

His eyes trace the rapidly forming bruises and stop at my arms. My breath hitches as I look down with him, and realize that I did nothing to hide what has just happened to me.

Which means my sleeves are pushed up and my scars are visible.

So, so visible.

"Terezi beat you up." He says icily. It's not a question, and I can only glance at my feet, in my favorite gray sneakers. The very same ones I wore when I first became friends with Vriska. The memory of her kicking me doesn't help my ability to breathe.

"And from the state you seem to be in..." his eyes rake up and down my arms, staring at the scars. At least, I  _think_ that's what his eyes are doing. "This has been going on for a while."

Wordlessly, I give a small nod. It's the first time I've told anyone about the bullying. I haven't even told Equius, although I'm sure he suspects. I can't deny I feel freed with not keeping it a secret. Finally, somebody knows.

He sighs and I roll my sleeves down hurriedly, ashamed that I've let my weakness be seen.  _How could I have been so stupid?_

Dave catches my hand and brings it to his lips, kissing it so softly I swear I could faint. It's a gesture I've only seen in the fanfics I write. I didn't think such gentlemanly acts were possible with anyone, except Karkat.

"I'm sorry for you," he says simply, and I blush furiously.

"Really, it's nothing to be sorry about," I stammer, "I just pissed her off or  _something,_ really, it's ok!"  _Sort of..._ I think.

"No, it's not. It's not every day a strong, sexy, confident girl like you is born. Ironically speaking of course. She shouldn't hurt you like that." He flips his soft blond bangs off his forehead, and I turn pink when I realize I've stared at him.

It's kind of hard not to really. Blonds aren't really my cup of chameowmile, but  _wow._ Dave joined the group a bit after I was kicked out, so I've never really talked to him before.

"Hey, you wanna grab a cup of coffee? I'll pay, Gorgeous." I think he winks at me, and I try to remember how to be confident so I don't blush even more.

"Yeah. Why not?" I say, barely concealing the floaty feeling in my head.

* * *

My bruises don't feel any better when I walk into class the next day, but at least the pain in my heart distracts me from the constant throbbing.

Karkat has his arm wrapped around Terezi's waist, and she coos something into his ear.

Great way to start my meowring, right?

I slink past the happy couple, afraid to let my presence known. she'd just belittle me again, and I'm running out of room on my arms to count the several times I've cried over her winning his heart, and not me.

"Nepeta!" He calls, and I freeze. This can't end well.

"Hello Karkat," I say quietly, not looking him in the eye. How could I? Terezi' blind gaze seared me from behind him, and I felt myself shrinking.

"Guess what?!" He says excitedly, not waiting for my reply, "Terezi's my girlfriend now" His eyes shine, and it takes all of my strength to not burst out in tears. I don't miss Terezi's ear to ear grin either, and I know she wears it just for me.

"That's great Karkat!" I choke, trying to feign enthusiasm. I nearly have a heart attack when Dave materializes behind me and wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me close, much like how Karkat was holding Terezi a moment ago. Karkat's eyes narrow.

"Strider." He says curtly. Dave nods dismissively and turns to me.

"Good morning, Beautiful," he says, making me blush again. One look at my thinly concealed tears and his eyebrows knit together with what I assume is concern.

"Wanna get out of here?" he whispers, to Karkat's obvious disgust. I can't help but shrug my assent, and he nods, then sweeps away to converse with the teacher. I can't imagine what he's going to say to make the teacher ok with us leaving, but knowing the Strider charm, it will work.

"What was  _that_ about?" Karkat says angrily, " _'Good morning Beautiful?'_ " He mocks. I feel a flash of irritation along with my agony.

"What, like you didn't say that same shit to Terezi this morning?" I snap. His eyes widen, both at my cussing and at my angry tone.

I've never been angry at him before.

I'm not sure I want to be.

He turns red and tries to not sound hypocritical, which is hard, since both know he  _did_ say that to Terezi. He's such a hopeless romantic; how could he not?

"Well, that's different!" He protests, flustered, "TZ and I are dating, so that kinda thing is normal!"

_Dating._

_TZ and I are dating._

Did he intend to send an arrow through my heart? Bulls-eye Karkat.

"And what would happen if I was dating Dave?" I snarl, "Would you feel as jealous as I do now? Or is there nothing to be jealous of?! Don't trust her." I toss my head and glare at Terezi, hoping she could  _feel_ the anger wafting off me, even if she couldn't see it.

"What the hell is  _up_ with you two? You've never acted like this befo-" He starts to say, but Dave sweeps back up and I lace our fingers together, enjoying the look of disbelief on Karkat's face.

His beautiful, beautiful face

If Dave is surprised by my sudden flirtatiousness, he doesn't show it, his stare is as stoic as ever behind his cool-guy sunglasses.

He doesn't say a word, just tugs me towards the door. I'm all too willing to comply. I don't want to spend another day of torment, with whispers and stares and pointed giggles.

I've hidden so much from Karkat. No one wants me around if I'm not happy, if I'm not bubbling over with news of ships or fanfics. If I  _am_ happy, I'm deemed as annoying. There really is no way to win.

In a lapse of judgement, I look behind me and see Terezi whispering in his ear. Poisoning the man I love. Unaware of the deep thoughts drifting through my tiny body, the body I starve and mutilate because  _she_ told me that I deserved nothing better. I'm so  _weak!_ And yet, he has no idea that she had made me this way.

Took away my confidence, my happiness, my hope. She turned my ex into a fuck-buddy, my friends into cronies, my group into a gang of evil bullies.

Why?  _Why_ did she do it? Somebody tell me why!

I realize that we are in the parking lot. Dave opens the door to a scarlet convertible, like a true gentleman. The soft leather is cool against my bruises.

I can still see them together, in my mind's eye. Red hair and ebony black. Burgundy and blind blue. Why do they have to be so perfect together? Why does he have to be so oblivious to what has happened to  _me?_

I'm going to cry.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIKE TEREZI. AGAIN, I PROMISE, I LIKE TEREZI.


	16. Chapter 16

"Dave?" I ask, "Where are we going?" He's driving without a care in the world, and I feel a flash of guilt that I broke him out of his road reverie. I'll just add that to the pile of guilt I have for basically making him a servant, deemed to make me not sad.

What an impossible task.

"I'm taking you out to a movie," he says, peering down through mirrored shades. Another spark of guilt. He's just so  _nice!_ And I haven't the foggiest clue why. Is it pity? Revenge to Terezi?

"Thank you," I say softly, "But really, this isn't necessary! I feel bad, taking you away from school!"

He snickers. "School? Man, I don't give a shit about that hellhole. Hey wait, is that a fuck? Nope, it flew away. Guess I've nothing left to give but my sweet-ass beats, iller than a fucking cancer patient, but way less heartbreaking. I didn't sign a permission slip for no feels trip."

I giggle, a little surprised I'm still capable. Dave reminds me a little of Karkat. The floppy hair, albeit a completely different color, same expletive filled speeches, and even the same soft side, the romantic side, kind of like ice cream, left outside in the summer sun for a bit.

I didn't think Dave  _had_ a soft side.

He smirks out of nowhere, and I wonder what has struck him as funny. Knowing him (which I'm surprised I do), he's probably tucking the memory away for a purrticularly pawsome rap later. I roll my neck, wincing when a bruised muscle shrieks in agony. Damn, Terezi knows how to hit.

We pull up at the movie soon enough, and I'm shocked and pleased when I look up to see that it's a drive-in. A drive-in at eight thirty-two in the morning? I know, crazy, right? But...strangely fun.

It reminds me of Karkat.

Although Karkat would probably say "Fuck the rules," as he pulled into the parking lot.

"A drive in!" I say excitedly, "Oh gosh, I haven't been to one of these since I was six!"

Dave sniggers, " _Gosh?"_ He says incredulously. I shrug in embarrassment, and he flashes a carefree grin. "Haven't heard that since  _I_ was six."

"My cousin doesn't like language, so I guess I got in the habit." I laugh. It feels so nice to act happy, even if I'm not. Maybe, just for now, I could forget my sadness.

Just for a bit? Could I?

The movie starts to play, but it's only the beginning credits. I gasp in delight, and slight agony, seeing that the title is "A Cinderella Story".

"I love this movie!" I cheer. I wriggle around in happiness, eliciting a quirk of amusement from Dave.

"I thought you might. I mean, hell, Chad Michael Murray, what girl  _wouldn't_ like this movie? It's practically a fucking wellspring of all that is good and holy of a frist date."

 _Date..?_ I wonder.  _Y-yes I suppose it is one._ It's not my first. After all, as a previous Popular, I did go on many dates. Many kisses. My last boyfriend was a juggalo weirdo (with a good heart...sometimes), but I don't think it would be right to say I'm not familiar with dates.

A date. Does this mean...Dave likes me? Oh goodness, I don't think so! He's sooo cool, he wouldn't like me!

Do I like him? My heart immediately rejects this thought, and constricts painfully. I love Karkitty too much to ever like someone else.

I glance up at Dave who seems to be (those damn glasses, I can't tell) intently watching the movie. Could I like him, eventually? Those sunglasses, those cheekbones, the way he's indescribably polite, sometimes infuriatingly stoic?

Yes. I suppose I  _could._ But something in me cries out  _no._ So, for today...

_I just want to have fun._

* * *

"Aah, that was  _pawsome!"_ I squeal as we walk into the ice cream parlor. I was beyond stunned when he insisted on taking me to 'the sweet rewards of labor from cows'. However, what girl would turn down a scoop of mint chocolate-chip?

"I'm glad you liked it," he says gently, going off a tangent from his normal emotionless demeanor. He even holds the door open for me.

After ordering (he gets sherbet, ironically of course), we just sit in a booth and  _talk._ We talk for hours. I learn he loves his bro more than anything in the world. How he protected John from bullies more than once, but never told him. That his favorite color is actually orange, not red. In honor of his bro, in the army. I nearly tear up, and choke out how my older sister's husband joined the military too, and how he was kicked out after he tried to adjust their routines, preaching how things were wrong.

I never saw her again.

He learns about me too. About Equius trying to edit my thoughts and words. The secrets I've had to keep from my mother. He listens when I ramble on with countless stories of when Vriska, Aradia, Feferi, and I were friends. It's nearly sunset when we walk out, when Dave reaches for my hand. We stroll into a park, and he pulls me onto a bench, underneath a sycamore tree. The dappled leaves cast shadows on his face, and I slowly reach upwards to take his glasses off. He stiffens, but lets me. I don't flinch at his scarlet pupils, almost expecting it.

"Pretty," I murmur. He smiles a real smile, and reaches for strand of my hair, tucking it behind my ear.

I don't move when he inches closer to me. I can't. His lips meet mine and tears pool underneath my closed eyes.

This is wrong. He's not Karkat.  _He's not Karkat._ I want Karkat. The reason, the  _reason_ I had so much fun was because Dave reminded me of him! But he's  _not,_ and I realize it now.

Tears are falling steadily when Dave pulls back. He doesn't seem surprised, and I wince inwardly at how I've acted during this entire thing.

I was  _flirting._ I'm disgusted with myself.

I've always done this. I flirt without shame, but get so grossed out when someone  _actually_ cares. This reminds me of how I drug Ampurra along fur so long. Getting his hopes up, even if I didn't realize at the time. I've done the same to Dave.

"I'm sorry," He says quietly, red eyes dull. "I thought...you wanted to."

"I thought I wanted to as well." I whispered.

He shakes his head sadly. "That doesn't matter. I'm not Karkat. I get it." He holds his hands up, shrugging. I can see ever flicker of emotion on his face without his glasses, and I just feel worse.

"Oh god, Dave, I'm so sorry!" I say, but I knew it wouldn't matter. His emotionless barrier was already back, and ever second longer, it was clearer that this  _was not Karkat._

Dave hugs me goodbye, and slips back into his car. I don't worry about how I am going to get home now, or even how soaked I'm going to get as it starts to rain. All I want to think about is Karkat.

Karkat.  _Karkat._ How much taller he was than me, his beautiful burgundy eyes. His dark shaggy hair and husky voice. How warm he was when I hugged him. How I waited patiently for an opportunity to talk to him, and got made fun of when people realized what I was waiting for. I prayed that no one would tell him.

In the winter, when I forgot my favorite blue gloves, and he held my cold hands, cussing at anyone who thought something of it. The first time the group of us hung out at his house, and I leaned on his shoulder, watching A Cinderella Story. Doing homework. Rocking (not really) out to Taylor Swift, me pretending that every song didn't remind me of him.

He's so  _nice,_ even if he doesn't show it. He cares so deeply about his friends, even if no one believes me when I say that. At first glance, everyone only sees an angry, attractive, teenager boy. But not me. I see how beautiful he is  _inside,_ although he's definitely purrfect on the outside too.

Four years I've loved him. Two years since she walked into his heart and destroyed any 'for rent sign',  _anywhere_ for me to be. One year since we've truly become friends. One year since I was kicked out of the group of people I loved.

I love him so much, but I can't evfur tell him. Not ever. Besides, what would happen? He'd get weirded out and wouldn't talk to me at all! I couldn't bear to be without him! My heart aches enough when I have to leave without hugging him, like a piece of my soul is slowly being ripped out.

I should distance myself, like all those boy-advice books say.  _Let him come to you!_ Oh, but if only I could. I'd rip in two if I did! I'd only shrink farther back into the shell Terezi has forced me to create.

I love him. I really do. I want to curl up and watch Disney movies and eat three times our weight in popcorn. I want him to kiss me in the rain, like the very rain that is falling now. Or are those my tears, still falling?

Because I know it won't happen. He loves Terezi, the girl I once called my friend, despite the hidden snubs she sent my way. How could I possibly still have hope for this ship to sail? I wasn't good enough, wasn't pretty enough, wasn't skinny enough! I wasn't  _enough!_ I'm still not!

But my heart refuses to let me give up, not matter how much my head batters my self-pride. I stand up in the rain, and begin to walk to the bus stop, wishing bitterly for my tears to stop falling.

Dave asked me out because of pity for my weakness. He's just another arrow, sent by Terezi, into my heart to make me realize how far away Karkat is from me.

I'm running out of room on my wrists to make myself stronger.

* * *

Back in a normal, two-story house, a crabby teenager boy with burgundy eyes checks the messages on his battered nokia phone. He cracks a smile, but it is stretched with nervousness.

H3Y CUT13, TH3R3'S 4NOTH3R P4RTY TH1S W33K3ND ;]

 


	17. Chapter 17

_Another party._ He had to make it work this time. If he made a fool of himself and freaked out over nothing  _again_...He'd have to work even harder to keep Terezi's affections. She was like a crazy tornado, and it required all of his effort to keep her. It was a little exhausting sometimes. The dark circles under his eyes were starting to come back.

It'd been forever and a half since he'd had a guys night.

But what was he going to do about the party? Karkat  _knew_ he didn't belong there. It was as obvious as the sky was blue that crazy drunk ragers were  _not_ his thing, so why did Terezi keep inviting him?! He couldn't decline the invitation, lest he stay up all night, worried that a simple game of Truth or Dare had escalated into sloppy makeouts again.

So what else could he do?

He'd have to go.

And he'd have to motherfucking party.

* * *

"Karbro!" Gamzee said in his typical gravely stoner-boy voice. The weirdo was wearing facepaint now, making him have an over-stretched grin and freaky pointed eyebrows.

"Uh, hey Gamzee," Karkat said awkwardly, not bothering to question Gamzee's weird nicknames.

"Want somethin' to drink?" Gamzee drawled, waving around an unopened beer. The juggalo was obviously already intoxicated. Ugh.

"Uh..."  _Wait! If I'm going to act like all the other people here...then I guess... "_ Sure?" Karkat squeaked.

Gamzee grinned like he'd just won the lottery. "Fannnnnfuckin'tastic Karbro!" A clap on the back left KK's shoulder stinging. Damn clown. The top of the beer popped off easily enough, and he sniffed the dark brown liquid. Oh god!

 _It smells terrible!_ He gagged. Gamzee was looking at him expectantly. Waiting for him to  _drink_ this shit! Karkat gave a wavery smile and against his every will, glugged down his first beer.

It wouldn't be his last.

* * *

Terezi POV

 _God this sucks._ I eye my soda/vodka, wondering if I should give into its temptation. Although I suppose a more politically correct term would be 'smell', wouldn't it? Being blind sucks ass. Almost no one knows, except for Vriska, Aradia, Feferi...and that damn Leijon.

I only ever trusted, or at least, came close to trusting those four girls. My other 'friends' didn't know me at all. How could they, if I never breathed a word of my past?

I didn't  _want_ to tell them. If these peers of mine ever found out how weak I used to be...It would be middle school all over again.

 _My mom is the best judge ever!_ That was my mantra when I was younger. My older sister is a police officer, so I guess you could say justice runs in the family. When I was little, forget playing with Barbies, I played with plush scalemates. I had so many mock trials, i could have easily been hired as a half-assed judge then.

I don't know why I bothered telling the girls about that. I expected them to laugh, but they didn't. They didn't say anything.

And I never talked about it again.

As I wander through Gamzee's ginormous house, my past keeps rewinding through my head. I'd say flashing before my eyes, but...

Elementary school was pretty bad. But I didn't know that, being a little kid. I just figured that was the way it was. People hated me because I was weird. What was weird anyway? I didn't know. My only friends were my scalemates, at least the ones that weren't guilty. Which were few anyways. Damn murderous bastards.

Middle school was worse. As teenagers realized we could say 'screw the rules', my isolation mutated. They would hit me.

It went so far. Too far. That was when I lost my sight. Because a stupid kid had stolen his artist father's spray paint. Chemicals in my eyes. My whole life changed in a few minutes and a flash of aerosol.

We moved shortly after. The new school got off to a bad start, with people immediately making fun of my newfound blindness. I bumped into things all the time, and people still hit me. More bruises. More lies to my mom. I guess I'm lucky she found out, although I never let her find my diary again.

Another school. The leader of the Populars was a girl named Lizzie. I read, er, sniffed so many teenager self-help books that year, and they all said the same thing: stand up.

Maybe I took it too far, but I did take their advice.

She was the first one  _I'd_ beat up. I threw her out of her clique so fast she didn't even know what was happening. She was  _nothing_ after that.

It was sick.

Mom had to move again after that, being transferred to a new court. Latula moved in with her boyfriend, tired of the constant change and the ticking time bomb that was her little sister. Excuse me if I wasn't rad enough for you, not everybody's perfect!

Another Popular down.

And then highschool.

A part of me really wanted to get close to these girls. Nepeta was so  _nice_ and so were all of her friends. Even her stoner ex was incredibly kind. But the problem had to be stopped before it could start. I wasn't about to let myself be cracked open again, feeling laid out for the world to see. I hate what I did to Gamzee. What I did  _with_ him. What I did to her.

I squished her like a  _bug._ She had never been hurt before. Didn't even know how to react. In a way, it almost made me feel guilty.

Almost.

But I knew guilty verdicts better than anyone else, and Populars weren't to be trusted if they weren't my pawns. When I heard Nepeta talk about Karkat, I knew the last blow to cement my victory was to have him.

However...I didn't expect to actually fall for him.

I know I probably crushed his little sugoi girlfriend dreams, texting him, asking him out, but that's the way I like to do things. No 'kya's' or 'ugu's' here, just some maniacal giggling. He's just so adorably flustered. On the few dates we've had, watching his shitty girly movies, he was so nervous to put the moves on me, he turned candy apple red. He was barely taller than me, and I loved constantly teasing him about it.

I know he doesn't love me. He loves his own version of Terezi Pyrope, a version of me that only exists in his dreams. I'm not nice, and I know that. It's only a matter of time until he knows that too. But I'll enjoy my time with him as long as I can. He's my sweet, lovely, revenge.

If only he wasn't! Then I could tell him how I really feel. But he's a pawn, just a small token to defeat my opponent. Just a witness to confirm a guilty sentence in my court.

I walk into a small room off one of the many hallways and jump in surprise when I smell Karkat.

Intoxicated Karkat.

"Heyyy," he slurs, winking at me, "Reziiii, I've been  _looking_ for ya!' He lurches forward on the bed he's sitting on, and hugs me fiercely.

_Oh...Karkat..._

His eyes fix on my sightless ones, and I almost start to cry. He doesn't even know I'm blind! Yet another secret I've kept from him, just to make the business of crushing someone easier. Easier on _me._ I'm a coward.

"TZ," he mumbles, "I love you."

 _No,_ I think sadly,  _you don't._

He searches my face for an answer, and finding none, crushes his mouth to mine. He's drunk out of his mind! My Karkat would never-

My Karkat.  _My_ Karkat. Oh god.

I wrench him away and he falls back on the bed.

"Rezi...? Please?"

"Karkles," I say firmly, "You're drunk. Wasted. Out of commission. Trust me, you  _don't_ want this."

He nods. "Yeah, I do. Rezi, I love you~!" He flashes a big cheesy grin, and my heart aches with the cuteness.

"Stop saying that!" I snap. "You're not going to remember, why bother saying it? Let me guess, you drank to impress me? Huh?  _Huh?!_ Of course you did. Dumbass..." I mutter. He just sits there, staring at me.

"I'm blind." I say quietly. He blinks at me, and I have to keep myself going. "That's why I type weird. With numbers and shit. I can't tell the difference. So...yeah."

He considers this, the curls up in a tiny ball. "Rezi...please love me~"

Inhaling deep, I grab his phone and scroll through his contacts hurriedly.

_I do love you. And that's why I'm sending you home._

* * *

Nepeta pulls up an hour later, and her ears flatten when I pass Karkat over to her. Just like a cat.

"What the hell did you  _do_ to him?!"

I shake my head. "He did it to himself. Take him home, it's not my problem."

She raises an eyebrow in challenge. "Isn't it?"

As she storms off and lovingly tucks Karkat into the passenger side, I feel misery tugging on my heartstrings. They're so cute together.

I place my palm on the glass of the window, and whisper what I want so badly to tell him, but know I never will.

_I love you._


	18. Chapter 18

Karkat rolled over in his bed the next day, moaning in annoyance and pain when he felt a splitting headache.  _That's it, fuck drinking. Fuck. Drinking._

He staggered out of bed, thanking god that it was Sunday morning, which meant it was a calming day. A relaxing day.

A day when he could call everybody and figure out what the hell happened.

Passing his desk, he noticed a small piece of paper, with scribbled olive-green text.  _Nepeta..._

_karkat_

_i am so disappointed in you! call me when you wake up cuz you're obviously not going to remempurr anything! i told you not to drink anything!_

_Uh-oh._ She sounded mad. Way mad. He felt a small surge of affection for her dumb way of writing. She didn't capitalize her i's. That was so cute.

Wait, what?

He warily grabbed his battered nokia, mentally thanking Nepeta for not letting him drunk dial anybody. He had a vague recollection of talking to Terezi...but no. That couldn't have been.

He was taking the breaking of his morals thing remarkably well.

"Nep?" Karkat said hesitantly into the speaker.

"YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU IIIIIIIDDDDDDIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTT!"

 _Whoa!_ He wrenched the phone away from his ear, hangover leaving his head spinning. "Catnep, calm down!"

"I  _told_ you! You got drunk out of your  _mind!_ It was absolutely pathetic! You were just babbling about ' _Rezi'_ the whole damn time, and she was the one who CALLED ME TO DRIVE YOUR DRUNK ASS HOME!"

"Catnep, I know, I know, I should have listened to you-"

" _You know?! YOU KNOW!?_ YOU DON'T KNOW! People slip  _drugs_ into those drinks! Drugs that leave you in an alley, not knowing who you are! Gamzee has some pretty dangerous freaking friends Karkat! You drank so much, more than I  _ever_ did!"

 _Ow._ "Nep, I'm sorry! Wait, whaddya mean, more than you ever did?"

She sighed over the phone, and though she spoke quietly, her voice shook with contained rage. "I went to those parties. I've seen things Karkat. If it wasn't for Gamzee, I could have been one of those alley-goer. Cuz I was naïve, just like you. You promised me!"

"But...I did it for Terezi," Karkat pleaded. Maybe that would be his one saving grace? There was a suspicious silence on the other end, and it worried him.

"Catnep? Nep? Nepeta?" He winced at his own raised voice, vowing  _never_ to drink again.

"Make sure you know her," Nepeta said quietly, "Before you decide you love her."

* * *

Walking through the halls the next day, Karkat had the nagging feeling Terezi was avoiding him. What exactly had he said two nights ago? And how did Nepeta end up picking him up anyway? He couldn't quite remember. Whatever had happened, he was glad she had!

His ears pricked at a thump from the girl's bathroom. Oh god, what was happening in there? As he got closer, the thumps grew suspiciously louder, and sounded oddly like...punches? He knew that sound well. Let's just say he wasn't the nicest of kids.

"Bitch!" He heard. Holy shit, was that  _Terezi!?_ He darted to the door, stopping short.

_Shit. This is a GIRL'S BATHROOM!_

_But I have to find out what's going on!_

_GIRL'S. FUCKING. BATHROOM._

_Terezi!_

_I'M NOT GOING IN THERE YOU SICK FUCK, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!_

He heard an anguished wail, quickly muffled.

_Nepeta._

He snuck in carefully (and in disgust), peering behind the wall. His blood itself froze when he saw Terezi, circling around Nepeta, on the ground like a wounded animal. Her sleeves were pushed up, revealing angry red lines. Her arms were shredded. Almost like whip lashes, like the ones he saw in old movies.

"Jesus," He whispered.

"Aradia! Make her shut up! If we get caught, we're dead!" Terezi snarled. His stomach turned, seeing the bruises on Nepeta's skinny body.

"You're not worth him,  _remember?_ He's mine! I only called  _you_ cuz I knew you'd pick up, bitch. I didn't want his drunk ass hanging around. He was out of his mind. But you like that, don't you?" Terezi flipped her hair, and punched Nepeta in the side.

"Populars like you should just  _die!_ You made my life hell!"

"Terezi," Nepeta coughed, "I didn't do anything to you when I was popular."

 _She was Popular?_ Karkat did faintly recall her in middle school, arm in arm with Gamzee.  _She was the previous leader that fishfuck Ampora was talking about?_

"Of course you didn't do anything!" Terezi said proudly, "Because  _I_ stopped it before it could happen. Don't underestimate the blind girl~!"

 _She's blind?! Why didn't she tell me?! And why the hell is she hurting Nepeta! Oh god, I've got to_ do  _something!_

"But Terezi, I wouldn't have!" Nepeta protested, "All those other Populars, the girls here aren't like that! Nobody is!"

"Oh shut up," Terezi sneered, raising her arm to punch her again.

_I have to do something!_

"Terezi, stop!" He yelled, bursting from behind the wall. "What the hell are you doing?!"

They all froze, and Nepeta's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates.

"K-Karkat..." she murmured, skittering backwards away from him.

"What the hell? Why are you in the girl's bathroom?" hissed Aradia, "Perv."

"You know, I think it was the agonized squeals of pain that gave it away, not that you guys drop your fucking thongs in here, dumbass." He retorted. Aradia turned red, but Terezi said nothing, staring at her feet.

"Terezi!" he boomed, " _What the fuck is going on?!"_

She still said nothing, just shook her head.

"Fine. We're over! You three get the hell out!" The girls scuttled out, terrified of the venom in his voice.  _Damn straight, you bitches be terrified._

"Oh, Catnep," he whispered, kneeling down to where she was, "How long has this been going on?" He picked up her mutilated, bony arm as delicately as he knew how.

"I'm f-fine. I wasn't- I didn't mean to- I'm sorry!" She jumped up, shoving her sleeves down, and ran out.

 _Great. Just sitting in a girl's bathroom now. I'm not a stalker, I promise._ The vision of his poor friend, beat up, danced in his mind. She was right. He didn't know Terezi at all.

But he did now.

* * *

Karkat shot awake at two fifty-three and almost started crying. His dream was so  _real._ And so beautiful. It was his Terezi dream again. Only...

It was  _her._

All this time, in his dreams, Terezi acted different from real life, Soft-spoken, sweet, with the occasional bad-assery.

That wasn't her. Maybe a part of her was like that, deep down, but she wasn't really like that.

Nepeta was.

How long had it taken him to notice? How her eyes sparkled when she smiled? How she actually cared about the hellhole called school? He barely remembered back when she was Popular. A leader, really. She was the girl Eridan was talking about. The girl Terezi was so terrified of.

Karkat loved her.

His subconcious had tried to tell him for so long. The way it felt like something was missing if she wasn't around. How he got so jealous if Equius protected her instead of him. The little silly cat girl had his heart in her paw like a strand of string.

But she'd run away from him, hiding her scars. How long? How much more of her body was sliced red? Raised skin, straight cuts, geometric patterns?

He loved her. How could he let his happen? He wanted to  _protect_ her! Save her from all the pain that she might feel. But she had ran away from him, and left him alone to mull over his thoughts.

He had to protect her. Starting tomorrow.

 


	19. Chapter 19

Karkat anxiously scanned the cafeteria, scanning it for the girl with the messy blond hair, the girl he now knew he loved.

"Wait. Explain thith again?" Sollux said, "Terezi wath  _beating Nepeta up?_ "

"Yeah, and she was making Aradia and Vriska help her." Karkat clarified.

"They didn't want to?" John asked, voice trembling.

"It didn't look like it." John sighed in relief, thankful that he didn't have to hate Vriska.

"I can't believe thhe wath the old Queen," Sollux said disbelievingly, "Fef would have told me."

"Uh-huh, whatever, have fun with your fishy girlfriend!" John teased.

"Thhut up! Thhe'th not my girlfriend!"

"Who's not your gillfrond?" Feferi asked, sliding into a seat, Eridan trailing behind her. Sollux turned bright red and stuttered out that it was nothing. Dammit, they needed to get together already. Helllooooo obvious!

"Where's Nepeta?" Feferi asked, biting her lip, "I haven't seen her all day. And she wasn't online last night."

"Terezi, Aradia, and Vriska have beaten her up," John said quietly. "We don't know where she is." Feferi's face drained of color, and Eridan patted her back comfortingly.

"I know," she whispered.

"You know?" Karkat snapped, "What do you mean,  _you know_?! Have you seen her wrists? Her face?!"

Feferi flinched, and Eridan scowled at Karkat, obviously annoyed that he was upsetting his sister so much.

"It started...last year. And Terezi said she'd make my life a living hell, and because of that Nepeta made me promise not to do anything. I couldn't-" Her voice broke, "I couldn't break that promise. Her promises were special."

"What about her wrists?" John asked, voice loaded with dangerous concern.

"Mutilated. Ripped." Karkat spat. "Her arms are destroyed. And we never knew. I never knew!" He slammed his fist on the table angrily, making Feferi jump back.

"She didn't want  _you_ to know." She said quietly.

"Why not?" He demanded, "Didn't she know I'd  _care_?"

"She didn't want you to!" Feferi burst out, "She didn't want to seem weak! She wanted to stand on her own. Everyone sees Equius as her big bulky bodyguard, and she hated that no one thought she was strong enough to do anything on her own. That she needed protecting..."

A choked noise from John revealed him to be holding back tears. "Oh god," Sollux whispered in horror, "How could thhe  _think_ that?!"

"Look." Eridan said calmly, "There's Eq noww." His wavery speech annoyed Karkat, but he was too preoccupied with watching the furious jock stalk across the cafeteria to dwell much on it.  _Uh-oh._

Equius stepped in front of Karkat, blue eyes fuming with hatred behind his broken sunglasses.

Right before he punched him.

* * *

"What the hell?!" Karkat screeched, holding his throbbing cheek. "What in the everloving FUCK did I do?!"

"You  _coward._ " Equius hissed, glaring furiously. The whole cafeteria had gone eerily silent, all staring at the geek vs. jock showdown. Equius towered easily a foot above Karkat, and he'd muscled out so much his shoulders practically touched his throat.

In short, he was an  _oh shit_ kinda dude.

"Coward?" Karkat said indignantly, "I broke up with Terezi, ok? And I fucking  _tried_ to help Nepeta yesterday, but she ran away fr-"

" _Don't you say her name so casually!"_ Equius roared, voice echoing in the high school. "Don't you know what she's being  _doing_ to herself over you!? How skinny she's gotten? How much perfect skin, unblemished by razors is left?  _Do you know?!_ "

"Equius!" shrieked Feferi, "Don't you dare!" She jumped up from the table and poked the beefy seventeen-year old's chest. "You keep your promises!"

He turned his head angrily, sweat beading on his forehead already. "That promise means nothing now," he muttered ominously. "He needs to know what he's made her do."

"I didn't do anything to her!" Karkat protested. "I'd never hurt her, because I...I kinda...well..."

"Oh please," Eridan scoffed, "And wwhen did you fuckin' finally figure that out? Last night? Took ya long enough. She wwas only in lovve wwith you for wwhat,  _four years?!"_

"Eridan!" gasped Feferi, "you promised!  _Dammit,_ you  _know_ she didn't want us to tell!"

Mouth falling open, Karkat turned to Equius is disbelief, heart fluttering with hope, and yet, fear. Why was Equius still looming here? And why did this require Karkat to be punched? He turned to his buddies, but Sollux just shrugged.

"I kinda agree with Eridan, dude." he said, flashing the hipster a blush-inducing wink. "Took you long enough! But why ithn't thhe here?"

Equius sighed deeply, and the look on his face was definitely him pleading for a towel to appear. "Nepeta does love Karkat," He said quietly, "But because of Terezi...she hasn't been eating. It started slow, but...it got pretty bad. I only found out last night..."

_She's hasn't been...?_

"Oh no," gasped Feferi, clasping her hand over her mouth, "for how long?"

"I don't know," Equius admitted, "but yesterday, she stood up and blacked out. Her mom went to help her up, and found her bruises...and her arms. And legs. And stomach."

Karkat sniffed audibly, and tried vainly to suck in tears.

This was all his fault.

He put his head in his hands, and felt someone, probably Feferi, patting his shoulder. Nepeta did that because she  _loved_ him? Because she felt like she needed to? A flash of what Terezi said yesterday replayed in his mind, and he knew it would haunt him.

_"You're not worth him, remember?"_

_Not worth him._ Like he was so much better. Oh please. She was...she was perfect. And he was just a coward, like Equius said. Crying because he felt sorry for himself as much as he felt sorry for her.

Crying for the girl he loved, a girl who was hurt. Nepeta Leijon. A girl so strong she kept all her troubles secret, and helped others with their shitty issues when hers were the ones that needing dealing with.

"Where is she?" He choked out, staring at the now calmer Equius.

"She's in the hospital."

* * *

"Equius, what the fuck is the point of this?!" Karkat cussed as he made his way through the minefield that was Nepeta's room. He'd been there before, but the clutter had just gotten worse. It still smelled like her, slightly like vanilla and mint. "I've got to get to the hospital! I have to see her!"

"Watch you language, Vantas." Called Equius from under her bed, digging through what looked like notebooks. Lots of notebooks. The stash of brightly colored covers were fat with Nepeta's spiky writing. "Because you want to see her so bad, this really is important."

"What are these?" Karkat whispered reverently. He recognized a few of them, like the pink one she was writing in a few months ago when this whole thing started. It had almost been a year, looking back on it now.

"These are her stories," Equius said quietly, handing him a red one. "She didn't post all of them. There is a lot of poems, free verse, things like that. Things you need to see, Vantas."

"Isn't this invading her privacy?" Karkat asked, raising an eyebrow at the other guy. Equius blushed deeply and flipped through a blue one.

"It's what's best for Nepeta. You need to know. If you really love her like you say you do..." The two men locked eyes, and in an uncharacteristic move, Equius hugged Karkat.

_OHGODICAN'TBREATHESOMEONEHELPMEPLEEASSSEEE._

"Please protect her when I can't. There's some things only you can do."

"DUDE GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!" Karkat yelled, flailing around rapidly. Equius let go, and gave him a mournful look before exiting. Karkat shuddered, then flipped through the notebook, all the time worrying about the little Leijon in the  _hospital._ Why were these damn notebooks so importa-

Oh.

_you don't notice me. you never will, huh? evfur. what am i to you? a sister? a furend? do you really f33l nothing like terezi tells me you do? i know you'll nevfur want me, but i just can't give up. i just can't._

_oh karkitty. i love you so much! i loved you befur i really knew what the definition of love was. walking together, telling the silliest jokes, and snuggling on a couch, watching disney rom-coms and eating thr33 times our weight in popcorn. i really do love you karkitty!_

_but you don't like that nickname much, do you? i k33p furgetting. it really suits you though. just like a kitty, someone who you want to cuddle and snuggle furever, even if they don't want you to. even if they claw and scratch to get away. you just end up waiting fur them to come back, or maybe just go after them again._

_i suppose in your case, i'm watching you be petted by someone else, and i really hate it._

_but i can't really hate her. i know she's had a terrible past, and i guess maybe this is equal? i believe if bad things happen to you, good things have to happen to make up fur it! so maybe...maybe she will be my furend eventually. hopefurry. she can be nice sometimes, even if she hates it._

_i know you'll nevfur read this. why do i bother writing it down? no one will read it, except maybe equius. i know he snoops in my books, although i suppose it's under the guise of purrtecting me. karkitty, i don't n33d purrtection! or at least, i don't n33d to be half as sheltered as i am!_

_you wouldn't smother me. i know that almost as much as i know i love you._

_then again, one can't really smother if one doesn't even come close to trying to._

_i'm not terezi. i get it. but it would be lovely if i didn't have to be._

He had to flip through a couple of her actually fanfics before he found another paragraph for him. The stories were so familiar he wondered if she had told him about then before. But she had always kept her notebooks secret, something he understood know. If anybody at school found these...

_what do you s33 in her? why is she better than me? you have no idea how broken she's made me, hungry and tired and full of painful scratches. i know she has her reasons, but still, this is too far! she n33ds to listen to me when i say i would nevfur hurt her! you have no clue how much i want to tell you this, but i won't. i can't. i can't risk losing you, and i know you, almost better than you know yourself. you'd take her side, and you wouldn't really listen to what i'm trying to explain. you hate the populars! and you purrobably wouldn't believe me even if i did tell you my past._

_gamz33's actually really nice. i don't think you know that. i think you could be great furends if you tried! and just a little secret, feferi likes sollux. and i really think vriskers could end up with john! don't you think? squ33, that ship gives me sooo many f33ls!_

_god, all the things to be talking about, and i'm talking about ships. it makes sense, doesn't it? i'm just the kitty cat shippurr girl, someone with a few friends that love here and a scratching post full of enemies. but i manage. i'm ok._

Karkat's heart swelled.  _No! No, you're not ok! You were never ok!_ He noticed a small heart in the margin, a little K + N. He was so stupid. How could he have just noticed now?! The notebooks were important, Equius was right! incredibly right. These were practically a part of her soul. He clutched the notebooks to his chest, letting worry flow over him like water. He had to see her _right now._

But last time, she's ran away from him. She'd scurried out like a vampire in sunlight. If she knew he'd read these...if she knew that he'd seen  _everything,_ then she'd flip her shit! He couldn't freak her out when she was in the goddamn  _hospital._ She might get worse, and he'd never risk that.

_But it'll kill me if I don't see her!_

Even before he knew he loved her, he freaked out when she was gone. It was like not having your favorite blanket at a sleepover or something. No popcorn at a rom-com movie night. It was just _wrong._

He  _would_ see her. She just couldn't see him. He'd just wait till she was asleep! Yeah. He'd keep watching over her downstairs, like a knight. A true white knight, just like she'd always dreamed of. He'd make she she never got hurt again, and she'd never know. That was ok. As long as she was safe...

As Karkat stood up hurriedly to go home, he tripped on the immense pile of notebooks, sliding like an ice skater. Not surprising really, given the amount of crap in her room. Wiggling his arms wildly, trying to regain his balance, KK faceplanted on her laptop, accidentally turning it on.

 _AAAAAAHHHH! Shit, shit, shit! How the hell do you shut this thing down?!_ He frantically clicked, and a fanfiction screen popped up.  _Goddammit Nepeta, close your freaking tabs!_ _FUUUUUCK! I didn't mean to look at her account, you stupid laptop! Fuuuu- wait what?_

Zodiacrules9. ZODIACRULES9.

Nepeta was zodiacrules9.

 _You've got to be shitting me. You've got to be KIDDING!_ His mouth gaped open, staring at the stories.

The stories.

He  _had_ read them before. This was why the writing style was so familiar, why he had always related with the characters, Why she never responded after he mentioned Nepeta. It all made sense.

All those stories...

Stories are really the feelings of the author you know. Characters, plot twists, paragraphs of internal conversations. They were all the deepest, truest feelings in their hearts. This was pure Nepeta.

It just made him love her more.

"Equius!" He yelled, "Time to go!"


	20. Chapter 20

_Dammit! This wasn't supposed to happen!_ I slam my fist into the hallway wall, making a random freshie jump. I glare and she skitters away, nearly dropping her book in the process. I suppose I do look scary today. I slept in my makeup last night, and outlined it again this morning in big thick lines, my hair is a freaking tornado, and my nails are painted blood-red. In short, I look downright terrifying.

I hate hospitals. I've been to so many, cuz of my damn eyes. They're filled with things to trip over, and the food is only decent if you're a guest and can go the cafeteria.

And I had to put Nepeta in one.

 _What have I done?_ I think with horror. I know how bad it is being in one. I  _know_ and I still hurt her like that.

I have to apologize. I have to! I have to tell her that I had it  _wrong._ Because I did, I really did! She has to still exist! She has to come back to school!

I'll miss her if she doesn't.

* * *

_flashback~_

"Have a good day!" My mom called, waving from the front porch. Although I did love my mom, an idiot could see the statement was pointless. This was my sixth school since fifth grade, and I was only a freshman. Yeah, surrre I'd have a good day. You try being the new girl and aspiring to have a 'good day'. Parents had no idea what life was like, especially not for me.

"Yeah mom," I muttered, traipsing on the sidewalk along to the bus stop, "Just keep telling yourself that."

She thinks my bus gets here really early, but in reality, I'm using this time to duck behind some random neighbor's bushes and change my white button-up to a slouchy red shirt, adding fishnets and heels. My black skirt is perfect just the way it is.

You can't be the overlord of a high school if you look like a Japanese schoolgirl. Yet another reason why I was weird in elementary.

Even with my extra change time, I'm at the bus stop ten minutes early, with nothing to do but listen to my ipod and hope no one sneaks up on me. Although my sense of smell was killer, there was only so much I could sense when I had Ke$ha blasting.

I knew exactly how this day was gonna go. Everyone would be decked out in fresh, crisp, probably delicious neon clothes, with shoes that reeked of new sneaker, and hair curled or straightened to perfection. Of course, halfway through the year, everyone would remember that sleep was actually a good thing, and us girls would become very familiar was crappy braids.

Naturally, with my flashing 'new girl' sign, every group would be trying to recruit me, finding out my interests and fetishes.

Just kidding. Who wants to know my interests? ;)

Give me a couple of weeks, a month at most, and Little Miss Leader, whoever she may be, would be at the bottom of the totem pole. What can I say? My self-defense mechanism worked well. Maybe even a little too well.

Ast time ticked on, a guy with spiky hair and glasses came out with a dorky army green backpack. Oh god. Let me guess, his daddy was in the army. Don't get me wrong, it's a noble thing, or whatever, but that didn't mean I had to like the little converts who never shut up about it.

Another girl, older appeared at the stop later, decked out in full school spirit colors. The hairbow said it all: a cheerleader. There had better be shorts under that skirt. She did a double take when she saw me, dark eye makeup and triple pierced ears, and I raised an eyebrow, daring her to say something.

_That's right. Keep on walking._

The people gathered like penguins, huddled together, silent. Computer geeks. Antisocial weirdos like yours truly. Even one spider-y girl with some funky fingerless gloves. Impressive in what would escalate to be eighty degree heat. She gave me the once-over and we gave an almost imperceptible nod of greeting. Or maybe it was imperceptible because I couldn't see it.

The last guy to stroll up was a weirdo in sunglasses, with shaggy blond hair. His headphones were huge, and looked like gears, as opposed to my tiny white ear buds. A slice of toast was shoved in his mouth like an anime character late for school. The bus came a few seconds after he arrived, and oddly enough, he didn't get busted for eating. He was the only person not to completely stare at me, and that was kinda nice.

I hoped he wasn't who I would have to take down.

* * *

I was right about the school. Overly perky student body, overly moody scene kids, dumbass football players, and slinky Populars. The groups fought for my attention mercilessly, but I only talked to the spider-girl and her brunette friend. Vriska and Aradia.

(I ship it :3)

Apparently, Headphone Dude was new too. No wonder he didn't give me a second look. To him, everybody was new, and he just didn't give a shit. Everyone else did though. Damn small towns. The kids here had probably been in the same preschool for Christ's sake.

Aradia and Vriska warmed up to me soon enough, and I accepted their lunch table invitation without blinking an eye. They even introduced me to a couple more people. A petite girl who kept making fish-puns, her pompous asshole of a brother, and a tall dude who slurred his speech. From what I could tell, none of these were the leader of the Populars, although they were obviously part of the group.

They were all in my second class, where Vriska and Aradia flocked over by a small girl who was instantly swarmed with people.  _Aha! This is the leader. This is the girl who will become my enemy._ I couldn't see her very well, but she wasn't being stared at by just her friends. The Headphone Dude (seemed to be?) looking at her, and a group of geeks in the corner were obviously pining after  _somebody_ in the group.

The bell rang, and as the crowd of people dissipated, the girl revealed was not was I imagined. She had short, messy blond hair, and olive-green eyes. Her pink shirt was cap-sleeved and she wore steel-gray shorts. What the hell? She barely looked like a middle schooler, let alone my new opponent.

New student rituals were over quickly, and I learned names as fast as I could. Feferi, Eridan, Gamzee, Aradia, Vriska, Equius, and Nepeta made up the Populars. Karkat, Sollux, and John were the weirdos in the back, and Headphone Dude was named Dave.

Nepeta. What a girly name.

To be honest, Nepeta didn't seem like a worthy rival. Small, skinny, and incredibly timid and polite. What a drag! At least Vriska had interesting stories of revenge. But according to the stories I heard, Nepeta was anything but what she seemed. The more I heard of her, the more I was determined to talk to her.

She dated Gamzee. She held the drinking record even though she was (shocker) a minor. She had to make out with Vriska during a particularly crazy game of Truth or Dare. Truth or Dare? People still  _played_ that?

I heard she was unbelievably scary if you pissed her off. I heard she had the patience of a saint and it was impossible to piss her off. I had no idea who or what to believe!

The first time I met her, she disproved every theory I'd heard.

"Hi!" she squealed hugging me fiercely, "My name is Nepeta Leijon! Nice to meet you!"

She talked at a million miles an hour and ended all her sentences with exclamation points, making my head spin. Within seconds, we had traded phone numbers, pesterchums, facebooks, and tumblrs. She immediately introduced us as 'friends', and my guilt rose considerably.

I could really like her if I let myself. I could see myself having sleepovers and gossip wars. The five girls in that group...we could be inseparable, if only...

If only I hadn't been burned before. Leaders had to be destroyed, and that was that. Besides, this girl would be short work. If only I hadn't gotten so  _attached._ I latched onto Gamzee, hoping to hear bad things about her. Who had better gossip than an ex? But the idiot only had glowing replies. As if I could care less.

I saw her actual strength only once, about a month into the year. Some asshole senior was harassing a little baker girl on her way to home ec.

"Hey!" She'd shouted. He just froze, and she even made him apologize before he scurried off. She was just internally strong, stronger than I could have ever originally thought.

It's something I've always admired.

Dave materialized from behind me one day after that, startling me. His arms were folded, a cool guy stance if ever there was one.

"Why haven't you crushed her yet?" he said calmly.

"What makes you think I'm going to do that?" I said, trying to keep my heart rate down.

"It's just something about girls like you. Nice sunglasses by the way, excellent cover-up for the real problem. Why don't you tell people you're blind?"

"None of your business. N-no reason. How do you know?"

"No reason? Ha." He chuckled, running his fingers through his hair, "I know there's a reason. Like Ferris Bueler and his endless days off, everyone's gotta have a reason to do what they do. And I know yours. It's the same as mine." He flips his sunglasses briefly, and I smell his crimson eyes, burning like strawberries. "You don't want their pity." He said softly. "I'm telling you, you won't get any from them. Like I said, girls like you practically carry a fucking neon sign going "I don't trust pussies." What exactly happened to you?"

"I told you, none of your business." I snap. "I don't even know you, what the hell?" This guy is starting to piss me off, and I'm not pleasant when I'm mad.

"You don't know me?" He said. "Huh. Maybe that should change. I don't know much about you either, except that you feel the friggin' deepest platonic love for Leijon. Why can't you just let the past go? Be her friend? I know you care about those girls." He reaches out to touch my arm, and I jerk away, scowling.

"I don't need a lecture," I hissed. "Save the guilt trip for someone who cares."

* * *

He was right. He was  _always_ right. I slam my fist into the locker again, and I feel tears pool. I've always wanted a best friend. We could have been best friends! In fact...I really wanted to. She was the kind of girl to have all those cliché teenage girl montages, you know? The sleepovers, the pillow fights, sneaking out of bed at two in the morning to steal sodas without waking her parents up, midnight walks, spying on hot neighbors. I wanted that so bad! And I destroyed who could have let me have it.

I had to apologize. I had to tell her.

 


	21. Chapter 21

Terezi POV

The hospital smelled as bleach-y as I remembered. I cringed away from every nurse, flinched at every passerby in the elevator. This was all to familiar, and I had to squish the urge to run. No. I cared about Nepeta too much to run now.

I wouldn't be a coward anymore.

Walking through the overly clean hallway, I noticed a guy in a gray sweatshirt, curled up in a little ball on the stiff chair. I recognized the dark circles, the frown, even in sleep, and the messy black hair without a moment's notice.

_Karkat._

I could handle the hospital, the soon to be one-sided feelings jam, and even the guilt trip and yelling that I was sure to get from her friends. But not him. i could  _not_ handle him, not just yet.

But if he was down here...he must have realized how he felt about her. Good. I didn't deserve him anymore, and Nepeta sure as hell did. Although I can understand why he's hiding out here. Wouldn't wanna give the injured girl a freaking heart attack or something.

I snuck past him, and gently, very gently, knocked on the door. Vriska was the one to open the door, and she just stared at me. My throat went dry, and I couldn't speak, but I had to say it, I had to!

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my tears finally falling.

That was all it took. I felt so small when Vriska enveloped me in her arms, like I was seven and Latula hugged me after a bad day at school. She was like my mom, someone I loved, but never got close enough to to tell her everything, anything that was on my mind.

"Come on in and see her," she said softly, waving me in. Feferi and Aradia lay on the floor by the bed, snuggling each other while watching A Cinderella Story. I almost laughed, knowing how many times we all watched it. Obviously, they had all apologized before me, but then again, it was probably easier for them.

Chomping some sweet buttery popcorn, nestled behind her knee, Nepeta swiveled her gaze to me. She didn't flinch. She didn't cry.

She was stronger than I would ever be.

I couldn't help the flow of my tears increasing, even pulling off my glasses to wipe my eyes.  _Dammit!_

"I'm s-sorry," I sobbed. "You're right! You were always right! You are everything I've always wanted to be, and have! You were- you are, everything I've wanted in a friend and I hurt you and-" I'm babbling now, but I can't help it. She's unhinged the barrier that hides my real feelings, and she didn't even have to say a word. "I never trusted Populars, but I trust you! I trust all of you!" I burst out. "And I understand if you never want to see me again but...I love you guys."

 _That's it. I did it._ I sigh deeply, and I finally feel free. Yes, I am the blind girl. I am a weirdo who understands legal contracts better than geometry. That's ok. I am me, and I embrace that wholeheartedly. Maybe no one loves me now, and maybe I've done some bad things, but...I'm trying to fix them. And that's good.

Turning around to leave the room, I feel a sudden pressure on my back.

"Pleeeease stay?" Feferi pleads, hugging me with such force I  _swear_ she's cracking a rib. "We can freeze frame the locker room scene!"

"Yeah," Aradia says, startling me, "You love this movie just as much as we do."

"Yes,  _please_ stay Terezi! We love you too!" Nepeta squeals. It's the first thing she's said the whole thing, and I feel honored that it's directed towards me.

"What?" I whisper, "You don't...you don't hate me?" It seems like a miracle that people like this could exist, people who still love me, no matter how flawed I am.

"Of course we don't hate you!" She cries out, frowning. "Come on, sit by me, there's  _tons_ of room!" She pats the bed, trying not to jostle the popcorn. "Honestly, I should be out of here already, I'm fine! C'mere!"

I crack a small smile, and cuddle up to the beautiful girl that I will always call my friend.

"Yeah. I guess I can stay for a while."

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Karkat is awake when I wave goodbye to the girls, my newfound friends. He doesn't look angry for once, just a little tired. I have a suspicion that his nap when I came in is the only time he's let himself sleep since Nepeta was admitted.

"Hi," I say awkwardly. He just grunts in agreement, perching on his chair.

"I apologized to her," I say. His face lights up at that, and I see a hint of a smile. Awww, he really does love her.

In shock, it occurs to me that seeing him love someone else doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. In fact, it doesn't hurt at all!

"She must have been happy about that," he murmurs, eyes soft. "She did always want to be your friend."

"Have you seen her yet?" I ask curiously. He shakes his head, and I'm not surprised. Knowing him, within seconds of talking to her, he'd confess and she'd flip her shit. In a good way of course. Personally, I think that's ok, but because he's  _Karkat,_ it's not  _romaaaaantic_ enough.

"I go and see her when she's sleeping though. It's less creepy than it sounds!" He exclaims, seeing the look on my face. "I don't wanna freak her out or something, so I just kinda...sit here. And wait."

"Isn't that boring?"

"Nah. It's worth it. I figured out how to totally rig the vending machine!"

I laugh, but a thought is still plauging my mind. What's left of my heart yearns to know the answer.

"Why aren't you mad at me?" I ask quietly. "Of all the people, you should be mad, right? Don't you hate me?"

"Well...I did at first," He admits, "but then I talked to this asshole. He loves Nepeta alsmot as much as I do, or at least, he did, for a little while. You see, for an irritating fuckass, he knows a hell of a lot. And he explained some things to me. Things that had a lot to do with a neon "I don't trust pussies" sign, apparently."

He smiles softly. "So, no. I don't hate you. Let's be friends, ok?"

I pull him into a hug, and turn to my right, where I know Dave will be standing. He gives me a wink, and I shove my hands into my pockets, embarrased.

"Wanna take a walk, Pyrope?" He asks, gesturing to the sunny outdoors. I nod, and link arms with him. Our hands intertwine, and I turn back to yell at Karkat to make Nepeta honest, enjoying the way he turns candy-apple red.

And then I walk outside with Mr. Coolkid, feeling a shit-eating grin stretch across my cheeks.


	22. Chapter 22

Nepeta's hospital stay was only two weeks. She insisted that it was much too long, especially since she and Terezi were friends now, and there wasn't going to be any problems anymore!

It seemed like somebody was over visiting her every day. In fact, the only person she  _hadn't_ seen was Karki- Karkat. Even Dave came to talk to her, and Karkat pondered for days about what the hell they could have possibly talked about.

Yes, Karkat was still there, her faithful knight in a ratty gray sweatshirt, but he  _still_ hadn't talked to her. He was nervous and excited and scared and everyone knew it. Well, everybody but her. Hopefully.

Because what if she didn't like him still after what happened? What if getting all her friends back made him seem less awesome? What if she thought he was creepy for basically taking over Equius's job?

What if the dumbass that was Karkat Vantas was just over thinking the whole thing? Hm?

She had officially gotten out the day before, but wasn't going to go back to school until the following week. Today was the Friday, which meant Karkat...Karkat w-would...

_I'm going to confess tomorrow._

* * *

He was scared out of his mind! His stomach was doing butterflies, and he could have roasted marshmallows on his face, he was blushing so hard. His head was buzzing, his legs were shaking, and his tongue had turned to lead.

And he hadn't even talked to her yet.

There were still six hours left in his Friday, and here he was, staring at a ripped piece of notebook paper. He practically hyperventilated every time he picked up his slate-gray pen. Of course Kanaya was very helpful. Not. How would she feel if it were a note to Rose?! " _Just calm down and get it done," Yes, that's very encouraging! Not!_

It was what would lead to a tangible confession of how he felt. This shit was fucking  _important._ Important!

This whole thing was getting too complicated. He had to have a game plan, but he couldn't play the scenario over too many times in his head, or else he might visualize her replies and jinx himself. Be smooth, but act casual. Don't be too obvious, but don't be too vague!

_Goddammit, this is way too hard!_

NEPETA.

3:00 P.M. PARK. TOMORROW.

PLEASE?

-KARKAT

* * *

The day before his confession was probably not the best time to stay up till midnight reading her fanfics. Brain, why. Brain. Brain, stawp.

He had missed this, the whole staying up late thing, even if it did wreak havoc on his eyes. Sleep was kind of overrated anyways, unless of course, it was morning.

But the fanfics weren't distracting him like he'd hoped. He just kept arguing with himself over tomorrow. A matter of hours, minutes, and seconds were going to decide his fate, and he was arguing with his inner conscience. Perfect.

_Aah, this is such a bad idea!_

_But you need to tell her~_

_NO I DON'T!_

_Yes you do~_

_AAAAAHHHH!_

Pocky. Pocky would help. He strode over to his cupboard, growling in frustration. Strawberry. Of course.

Her favorite flavor.

Was the universe going to make him stress about it the whole night?! Everything reminded him of her, and of the humiliatingly heart-racing moment of depositing the note on her doorstep earlier that day.

Hands ice-cold and fingers freezing up, he had knelt on the concrete step and slid his note under the door, darting away to hide behind a tree.

He didn't know if she'd gotten it. Oh god, what if Equius picked it up instead?! What if her cat destroyed it? What if she stood him up tomorrow? What if-

And there he went again. Freaking out and overreacting. He really needed to calm down. And maybe sleep. Yeah, sleep was probably a good idea.

* * *

He couldn't sleep. He rolled over aimlessly, grumbling at his clock. It was three in the goddamn morning already, and sleep was farther away than Karkat's ability to be calm.

He couldn't think about the scenario, lest he jinx himself and then have the whole thing turn to shit. Not good scenarios, and especially not bad ones, because those were just fucking depressing. Nothing like crying yourself to sleep before a confession. Yup, great idea. Ugh.

He'd even rewatched some of his girlier animes (host club, anyone?) to try and take his mind off of her. But watching Tamaki fangirl over Haruhi just made it worse. Nepeta was reigning over his heart and head. She was all he could think about! Or at least, all he wanted to think about. Her freckles and eyes, the way she smiled, her squeal of happiness, the delicate way she blushed, _everything!_

If only he could fall asleep.

* * *

Today.

Today was the day. Saturday, May 23. The day he told her how he felt. After two years of knowing her, one year of being friends, and several weeks of being in complete and total love with her, he was finally going to tell her how he felt.

Reaching up to touch his cheek, his hands were ice and his face was on fire. Stomach jumping, pulse racing, blood rushing.

Fifteen minutes till three. Fourteen. Thirteen. With a deep breath, he stood up, and began to walk to the park.

It was a gorgeous day, fluffy white clouds and all. The day was warm and bright, and flowers were beginning to bloom, filling the air with their sweet scent. Spring had always been Karkat's favorite season, as much as he vehemently tried to deny it.

The park had been a favorite place for Karkat and his friends to go ever since freshman year. There were lots of trees here, and flowers. Lilacs, tulips, blackberries, even a few rose bushes. It was like a haven in the small redneck town they lived in. There were only a couple of children playing on the rickety play structure today, and maybe a few moody teenagers milling underneath a weeping willow.

He knew exactly where she would be. The same place she always went. The same place where they had all decreased a couple of maturity years and played tag. Where Karkat held out his ipod and they watched youtube videos until the stars came out. Where he, Nepeta, Sollux, and John all huddled on a blanket to watch the annual July fireworks.

She was under the cherry trees.

He could have sworn his heart stopped. She held a cluster of the blossoms, smiling gently at them. Her scars were but faint pink lines, and she looked so happy, sitting there in the sun.

He could have cried. It felt like a floodgate in his heart had opened, and his love came flowing out of his soul like waves. He loved her. He really did. That was the simplest truth of the universe, something that everyone should just know, like breathing.

The sky was blue, stars came out at night, and Karkat loved Nepeta.

As he slowly walked forward, she didn't quite hear him, and didn't look up. He saw her mouth quietly moving, murmuring to her flowers.

"He loves me."

A step.

"He loves me not."

The cherry petals drifted to the ground, caught on the gentle breeze.

"He loves me."

_I love you._

"He loves me not."

_I have to tell you._

"He loves me."

Another step.

"He loves me not."

She realized he was there, and her head snapped up, eyes wide. He swallowed, then spoke what would begin the happiest time of his life.

"I think you have one more petal left."

_Fin~_


End file.
